Anybody's husband STILL not on board??

I am sorry that you are having to deal with this. You definately have to do this together to make it work. I will pray for you. Sending you (((((hugs)))))).

I'm not wondering what is wrong with your family
I think we have all been there to some extent. I can't say my DH has ruined this experience for me, but he really hasn't helped a lot.
In my experience, what helped most was showing him everything on paper. I made a pie chart on MSMoney so he could see just how much he was draining our budget on piddly items.
I can't say he's stopped, but he is definitely more aware. Also, having him know that I am watching seems to make him think twice before spending.

I have to admit, I entertained the thought of a new big screen tv with our tax refunds myself. That just isn't gonna happen this year. I've added it to my dreams list, though. Maybe you could talk to your DH about the list and see if he'd like to contribute?

I'm sorry I can't be more help, but I know exactly how you are feeling!

My DH is also our 'problem' spender. But he has improved - not so much because of FTJ - he doesn't know the whole deal. But he is facing a union strike in April, a potential layoff and has not had OT since October 08. So he's stressed about our finances as well.

With my DH I try to give him some slack - he like to play cards, have a couple beers after work and isn't used to not having some pocket money (usually was his OT). But he does listen when I tell him we only have XYZ until payday or that we have some bigger than usual bills this month. He's also starting to realize that everthing we do doesn;t have to be 'the best'. We have some remodeling/decorating to do and he's willing to scale his ideas back a bit and be more creative. But when he was younger he was a bit lke your husband - always wanted to spend what we had and have the best. I used to have to 'hide' money sometimes - or spent nights not sleeping because i was so stressed.

I wish I had better advice for you. Time and maturity and life have slowly changed my husband.

I must admit that I've been there. Not that this is helpful, but it isn't "just your family", many of us have been through similar if not the same scenario.

My DH didn't always appreciate my (financial) efforts. My DH needed to see how it would make his life easier/better. After all, we are in this together. I'm almost 16 years into my marriage and some conversations never go away. Ariel Dawn hit the nail on the head...Time and maturity and life have slowly changed my husband (too)! IMHO...when it comes to finances, husbands tend to draw a direct correlation between their control of their cash and their manhood. Therefore, they need to have to have a little mad money that they have sole control over.

I have to recommend honesty with your DH, however, to have a small cash reserve (coupon savings is how I started mine), could be helpful. My DH had no idea what I could do for US, not just him...not just me, and until I went on bedrest with my second child and had a generous sum saved. He was shocked and very grateful to not have to fret about finances for five weeks not to mention that I had extra groceries, toiletries and paper products on hand, so his trips to the store were limited to milk, bread, eggs, produce & meat.

Now to the present day: DH has been forced to take a significant paycut for the month of January (and we pray that January is the extent of it).

It seems that at some point in a marriage, every family tends to hit a crisis of some sort. For some like us, it was a bedrest crisis, for others it is a health crisis, others job layoff, and yet others it is a relationship crisis. Again, it hasn't always been like this.

May God grant you peace and the ability to continue to do your best in this situation!

my first thoughts were that it may help for you to really simplify some type of paper work to SHOW him your budget - I kinda liked the idea of that pie chart - very visual ---

I was thinking something like this:

Rent/Mortgage: $---
Insurance: $ ---
FOOD: $---
Auto Loan: $ ---
Auto Insurance: $---
Phones: $---
Cerdit card payment: $---
ya know what ever else you have bills for----

nice simple out line - and after you have entered in your total - subtract that from what you have. Show it to him and say - "Here is how much we have spent this month - and $--- THIS is how much we have left. Just wanted you to know. You can't spend any more than that without putting us in the hole, ok?"

I'm sorry you're going through this, but please don't feel alone. Money is the number one reason for divorce, so it's not just your family. Even though my dh and I are usually on the same page, we sometimes find little money topics we don't always agree on (someone mentioned hunting clothes.... um, yeah), so I have sympathy for people who argue over the bigger things too. It must be really difficult.

Are you able to communicate with him about money when you're not upset? It seems like most "money" discussions come up when there is something to argue about, but when you're both calm and collected are you able to talk? I would try to find a time where you can talk about your current situatuion and are now financially (net worth, debt status, etc.). How much of your financial situation is he aware of? Does he realize how much the seemingly little things like coffee, cigarettes, beer, etc. add up? Is he aware but just spending anyway?

You say that he just wants to spend his money, so I wonder if what he really is trying to gain here is some power. Does he feel like you're controlling him too much? If that's the case, maybe what you need to work on as a couple is finding him a way that he can have some fun money that's off the table when it comes to what you say about it.

Also, I think you should take a deeper look at what is going on with him and why he's spending. It's usually not just about the money. Usually there are any number of emotional reasons underlying bad financial habits that compound the problem, and just asking him to stop spending is like putting a bandaid on a broken leg. Is he not happy where is in life, feeling inadequate, bored, etc. and spending to numb those feelings?

That's why I think the spreadsheet about goals and dreams is important. It can uncover hidden wants/needs that money may be hiding. Is there a way he'd work on that project too? Have you done yours? Maybe you could start by showing it to him. Maybe you'll have some common goals to work towards. He may think it's a corny project, but maybe you could ask him to talk about it with you and what's on his "bucket" list.

Good luck, and please check in with us again!