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Stay at home mom and divorce

post #1 of 4
Thread Starter 
Has anyone whose a stay at home mom gone thru a divorce? My final court date is sept 9th for our divorce and I've been a stay at home mom for 5 yrs! How do you survive and how do you make things work with 2 small kids and knowing having a job is impossible?!
post #2 of 4
If you state doesn't order alimony, then 'impossible' might have to become reality. I had to work many years, and go to college after my first divorce. IT SUCKS that I had to leave my children so much but I had to support them. God knows child support wasn't even enough to pay for day care, much less raise them.

Hopefully, you have a lawyer that is looking out for you and knows what the best is that you can get, such as alimony and payments for daycare etc if it becomes necessary.

Perhaps you're the type that can do home child care and be home and make money at the same time.

Good luck, it IS hard parenting alone
post #3 of 4
I'm separated, not legally. I'm very lucky my "child support" is enough to live comfortably on since I've got four kids 6 and under and breastfeeding there is no way I would work outside the home. I am also an Army vet so I'm taking some online courses in order to get my monthly GI Bill payment. Between the two I do well. I've always been frugal and careful with money so it isn't a big adjustment for me. I've also provided part time childcare, babysitting and I sell on craigslist and used to do ebay. All that was extra spending and saving money.

You need to know the in and outs of your financial picture, make a budget. Is your dh already paying child support? Is it enough to cover your basic bills? However much more you need you can find a way to make up for it. With young kids you can try providing home daycare in order to stay home. Hopefully you have accounts in your name already. Do you have a home you can afford on your own or will you be moving? It's hard but you can do it! Just remember you are stronger than you think, make a plan and make it happen!
post #4 of 4
When my husband divorced his first wife, he paid so much child support she was able to remain a SAHM, albeit on a tight budget. Keep in mind, alimony is taxable income. Child support is not. It is in your best interest to receive more CS than alimony.

Typically, CS orders include that the non-custodial parent has to keep the children on the employer-supplied health insurance AND since you don't have any income the order can include that the non-custodial parent has to pay all out-of-pocket health insurance costs. Of course, that means you won't have health insurance (which the ex-h's employer may have a policy against covering you). Since you have no other income, you might qualify for Medicaid. You'll have to check on that.

CS orders also include the requirement that the non-custodial parent pay or contribute toward daycare if you end up having to work. Sometimes the ex-h decides it is just cheaper to pay for you to stay home with the kids. This is especially true if the kids are still young. While CS is supposed to be used only to support the children (ie: you have to support yourself), when the children are very young (not yet school aged) then the courts often agree that it is best for mom to stay home and be supported for a while.

That all said, divorce sucks. It is financially disasterous for everyone involved. Sorry. I don't have any great suggestions. There are people who DO work, even with multiple young children under foot.
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