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just wondering....

post #1 of 10
1/10/07 at 9:00am
Thread Starter 
**if this is in the wrong area, sorry!!! single/divorced parents/anyone who wants to comment**

if the other parent was taking care of your child, which you thought he/she was in her/his care, but you later found out that the child was somewhere else and you were not informed, would you be mad?
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post #2 of 10
1/10/07 at 9:04am
I guess it depends on the person who was taking care of my kids...Was it their grandparent? I wouldn't be upset, as long as I know they were taken care of...If it was a neighbor or someone I didn't know well...yes, I'd be mad. When we lived closer to SS his mom would often leave him in the care of a neighbor (even though we were less than a mile away and she KNEW she could call us at a moments notice and we'd come get him) and it was cause for MANY a fight between DH and the ex. ETA: This was per the custody agreement....If a parent cannot be with the child on their scheduled time they MUST notify the other parent and make arrangements.
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post #3 of 10
1/10/07 at 10:15am
Okay please dont get mad at this question but I just gotta ask, do you call the other parent and tell them every time you leave your child with someone else? Just think of this, would you want the other parent to call you and say that they dont approve of the people you are leaving thier child with when you have them? I have gone through this with my sister, she got really upset when the father of her daughter let her stay with a friends wife, but I had to remind my sister that she would have a fit if Neil called and told her who she could or could not leave my niece with. If you know that the person is not safe or trust worthy then yes you should say something but if it were a trust worthy friend or family member then they have just as much right to make that decision as you do. I think these situations can be very tricky and after going through this with my niece and sister I have learned that you really have to pick your battles and just remember whats good for the goose is good for the gander!
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post #4 of 10
1/10/07 at 10:16am
I don't know...he is the child's other parent. Why would he need to inform you of a change of plans or having your child go somewhere? Do you inform him every time your little boy goes and plays at another child's house? I guess what I am trying to say is that it's obvious from your last few posts that you and your child's father disagree on how to raise him, and it is almost like you are looking for something to be mad about. Not saying I don't agree with you on some things ( I don't give my dd soda either ), but it seems like you are stressing yourself out about things beyond your control.

Now, if it was a sitter or a neighbor you left him with and they took him somewhere with out your consent it would be a different story...but again, he is the father.
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post #5 of 10
1/10/07 at 10:17am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Mommyof3 View Post

Okay please dont get mad at this question but I just gotta ask, do you call the other parent and tell them every time you leave your child with someone else? Just think of this, would you want the other parent to call you and say that they dont approve of the people you are leaving thier child with when you have them? I have gone through this with my sister, she got really upset when the father of her daughter let her stay with a friends wife, but I had to remind my sister that she would have a fit if Neil called and told her who she could or could not leave my niece with. If you know that the person is not safe or trust worthy then yes you should say something but if it were a trust worthy friend or family member then they have just as much right to make that decision as you do. I think these situations can be very tricky and after going through this with my niece and sister I have learned that you really have to pick your battles and just remember whats good for the goose is good for the gander!

Great minds think alike! We must have been on the same wavelength and posted at the same time.
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post #6 of 10
1/10/07 at 10:28am
Thread Starter 
actually i do tell his father when my son is going to stay at his grandma's(my mother) which is about once a month, it is in our mediation agreement that if one parent cannot keep the child and takes the child somewhere else, the other parent needs to be made aware of it. my sons father tends to not tell me when he has to go to work early and takes him to his ex girlfriends moms house, whom i dont know and he stays there all day....other days i go to pick him up and there is some girl/guy watching him that i dont have a clue who they are.
sorry if i have made it obvious that my child's father and i dont agree on how to raise him
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post #7 of 10
1/10/07 at 10:39am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovindj25 View Post

sorry if i have made it obvious that my child's father and i dont agree on how to raise him

That wasn't a dig on you...I was just pointing out that you always seem so stressed out in your posts about something or other your ex has done. I think that Mommyof3 is right, you need to pick your battles and trust the man's judgement as a father, regardless of how you feel about him as a person.

Now, if you think he is leaving your child with sinister characters and he might be in danger, that is different...

Good luck resolving this...it really seems to be dragging you down.
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post #8 of 10
1/10/07 at 11:32am
Quote:
Originally Posted by lovindj25 View Post

**if this is in the wrong area, sorry!!! single/divorced parents/anyone who wants to comment**

if the other parent was taking care of your child, which you thought he/she was in her/his care, but you later found out that the child was somewhere else and you were not informed, would you be mad?

I have been in this situation and was angry about it. When I have to work late or want to do something when my DS will be with me, the first person I contact is DS dad to see if he can watch him. I think that it is the best for DS if he is with one of his parents first.

I do NOT always let former DH know who specifically will be watching DS if he is not available but ex DH knows that I am a RESPONSIBLE person and trusts MY judgement regarding who should take care of DS. On the other hand, I do NOT trust ex DH judgement on anything so if DS is in his care, I expect him to be in HIS care, not someone else's. I also would like to know how to get ahold of DS at all times and if he is somewhere I don't know about then I cannot get ahold of him. Luckily, this has only happened a couple of times for me and both times it ended up DS was with his grandparents - who I do trust - I just didn't know ex DH would be farming out his limited time with DS so was upset about that.

If I felt my DS was in danger with other people, I would say something to ex DH but I certainly have NO control over what happens when DS is with him so all I can do is give my opinion and hope dad will listen to that and take it to heart.
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post #9 of 10
1/10/07 at 11:44am
As you know, I too have been in this situation. And I agree with everyone else. When your ds is with his father that is his fathers time, and if he chooses to have someone else babysit, that is his perrogative. Just like when your ds is with you, you can do what you want.

Now if it is in your mediation papers that is a little bit different. He should tell you where your ds is. But unfortunately we can not "make" them do anything just because it is in writing. Just be careful, and like the others have said, pick and choose your battles...as long as you win the war, you will be fine.
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post #10 of 10
1/10/07 at 2:05pm
Bumping...up....I heard someone was looking for this...
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