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How did you know you were ready for a 3rd child?

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
(or another child in general). I have been torturing myself with this decision for weeks. The fact that I'm even contemplating it tells me I'm not done having kids- but... all my senses tell me I should stop. We have 2 beautiful kids- our daughter is 4 1/2 and our son is 20 months. We have one of each, they are healthy, we're done w/ bottles, soon will be rid of diapers, we have a 3 bedroom house, I really don't enjoy pregnancy, I have had really bad anxiety after these 2 have been born, I am interested in getting back to work full-time. (I job share as a 5th grade teacher now.) And, of course, I am really worried about money. We want to be able to occaasionally take our kids on enriching vacations, to travel, to pay for their college educations, to host exchange students- will we be giving this up? We are not broke, but we don't have extra money either- things have been pretty tight since I went part time.
All this said, I feel like if we don't have another baby, we will regret it when we are older. I feel that if we've spent this much time thinking about it, obviously, we want one.

I've never heard anyone say - "gee, we shouldn't have had that last kid" but I worry we're taking on too much. I do feel like I am holding my head above water most days.
If we do have another child, I don't want a big gap in between them, and would want to "get cracking". I'm 32, and haven't had any problem getting pregnant in the past, but I do know that if we're goign to do it, we want to have the 3rd one soon.

I have tried telling myself "okay- I'm going to go through this day pretending like we decided we yes/no" and seeing how I feel. I can't make it the whole day on one decision! And- what scares me a great deal is that after I've gone through all the logistics in my head- when I switch to thinking that we decided "no" all I feel is relief.... but then later, I still want to have a 3rd child!!!

I know that no one can give me an answer and say "yes" or "no", but I would love to hear how some of you have come to the decision to have or not have another child.

I appreciate you reading my rambling thoughts!

Darci
post #2 of 16
I enjoyed your post and your honesty! I only have one child so far, and I go through the same emotions on a daily basis. I know that I probably want at least a second child, but some days I wonder if I should just stick with one! I go through the same thought process...we would have more money; be able to travel more and sooner; plus I would go back to work full time much sooner. At the same time I think that I would regret it if I denied my son a sibling. I think I really want a fourth person in our family.

I think you have to go with your gut instinct! You need to decide how much you think you can handle. Naturally, you would never regret the third child. But, if you don't have a third, you still might be OK with that when you are able to do some of the things you always wished you could do.

I know I am not helping any because I have the same issues, but I look forward to seeing what others have to post on this topic. I just wanted to let you know that you are not alone.
post #3 of 16
We're the same age but my daughters are a little older. I have a 7 & 4 year old. I've had many of the same thoughts as you. But we've decided 2 is enough. We don't feel overwhelmed (well, you know, parents are always overwhelmed!) by 2 and can afford to do things we enjoy. And when we go places, each of us can look after one.

That's not to say I don't have days where I long for another baby. But then I spend time around any and it affirms my choice. No diapers. No bottles. No night duty. No choking hazards.

And next year, they will both be in school full time. I can go back to school myself, or work part time or volunteer as much as I want at their school. As my husband asks when I bring up another one "We are so close to the finish line, why would you want to start over?".
post #4 of 16
You sound just like me. My dd's are 4 and 2 1/2 and my brain tells me I should not have anymore. We can afford these two just fine and we'll be able to take vacations and stuff with them that we want and adding a 3rd child would make it more difficult to do the things we'd like to. But after my second dd I had said I'M DONE, NO MORE and here I sit lately thinking I really need one more. My dd's would love another sibling, dh would love a son (or the chance to have a son). WE're moving back home near my parents in the next couple years and I would love to be able to go through just one pregnancy having them near me everyday since they missed soo much with my first two!
I know my post isn't any help. There is no easy answer. I hope hope you can come to a decision that you are happy with.
post #5 of 16
I decided that I wanted a third the day I went into the doctors office for anitbiotics and he said sorry I cant give them to you because you are 4 months pregnant with your third baby. Yeah what a shock I know but it was awesome and I have never once thought should have stopped at two, I think that this is something you have to decide for yourself and only you can know what is right for you.
post #6 of 16
I too am having the thoughts off and on of a third. I have a 15yr ds and a 4yr dd. I don't know if we will or not!

I love this quote.....

"Making the decision to have a child is momentous. It is to decide forever to have your heart go walking around outside your body."

-- Author: Elizabeth Stone
post #7 of 16
I'm in the same boat as you unfortunately. My dh says no for sure but I believe he would change his mind if I was totally on board and we were in a better place financially. We both agreed to have a 2nd child at the same time. I wanted to wait till after our 5 yr. class reunion so I wouldn't be all puffy and preggo, but we found out that we wouldn't be having a reunion and we thought, what are we waiting for! That was an easy decision. He has all the burden of providing for us because I'm a sahm, but he loves that I am. I would love another child but we have 3 bedrooms upstairs and 1-2 downstairs that we were planning on turning back into a reception hall and the smaller one to an office and storage for my dh's guns and hunting supplies. Even w/ wic you still have to consider diapers, clothes (if you don't have any for that gender), insurance, expenses later (school for three kids, after school activities, a 3rd college education). I agree w/ the other ladies in that it has to be a decision that's right for you and your family. My mother is all for having a lot of kids (she had 8). Her motto is "just plant another row of potatoes". Good luck and don't let this decision take away from what you have right now.
post #8 of 16
I'm really not sure what the answer is to this one! My dh said he only wanted 1 child and I talked him into a 2nd. We discussed that we have a boy and a girl, what more could we want. I always wanted more than 1 child, maybe even more. If $ were no object I'd love to have 4. Anyway I had said that if we're going to have a 3rd i wanted it before my yougest, my dd, turned 3. Well that didn't happen as dh was adamant about only having 2 so we could get along better financially and provide for them and let me still be able to stay at home with them until they were both in school fulltime. We discussed it alot and I agreed that yes, 2 was enough, especially since both our children are extremely stubborn and strong-willed and our dd is amazingly spirited. I thought that was the end of it, we'd have 2 and be happy. HA....around the time my dd turned 3( Aug. 2005) I started to secretly want to have another. I decided I was just having baby envy as I had friends w/new babies. Well by the time she was 3 1/2 the feelings were even stronger and I just knew i was not done having children, I really wanted 1 more. My dh and had many, many heated discussions about this and i even turned here for help and advice in some of my past threads. After talking about it and crying about it for over 6 months i finally convinced my dh we could handle another baby. Since he is the sole breadwinner I understand his apprehension, especially since he made less $ this past year than he had the year before. I felt like if we did not try for another child I would regret it the rest of my life, when I told dh this he knew i was serious. Anyway I got pregnant the 1st month we tried and am due in June. I just had my ultrasound last night and the baby is healthy...thank goodness as I was really stressed out over any problems that could arise sine I had issues w/past pregnancies when I had lost the baby. I am so thrilled to feel that baby inside me kicking me as i'd resigned myself to the fact that we would not have anymore after ds and dd. it makes it all the more special! Yeah, we'll be outnumbered but who cares...perhaps then I'll have even more grandchildren in the future!
post #9 of 16
Well, the third child decided she wanted to come, we did not have much say in it!!! We wanted another eventually anyway (jsut a couple of years later) Personally, I say have one!! You will always spend whatever money you have. If you have 3 you will manage. The kids will remember all the great day to day things, not weather they had extravagent vacations and such.
post #10 of 16
I always knew I wanted 3. I feel like there is 1 and then there is more than 1 lol. I just had my 3rd 7 months ago. (Bailey 4, Brooke 2, DJ 7mo) I wanted them all close together too. We wanted a boy so that was one of the main reasons we went for 3. At least if you DONT decide to have another... you have one of each. Both dh and I both have 2 siblings. So.. we both wanted 3. We are currently building a new house and are going to bunk the girls up together. As far as diapers and bottles... get it all over at one time. lol
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