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when kids just invite themselves over

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
I love that my kids have lots of friends, and get along so well with everyone. 2 summers ago, they used some Christmas money they got from thier Uncle and bought an inflatable pool. It is a Godsend on hot summer days, and they will invite thier friends over to cool off with them, which is great.


Yesterday we planned a cookout for the holiday, and invited friends and thier kids. Right before the party got going, 2 of Samantha's friends from down the street (a brother and sister pair) rode thier bikes up to my house, already in thier suits ready to swim. We JUST got the pool going that morning, how did they know we were gonna swim in it that day? In any event they expected to be able to swim. But I let them because the party hadn't gotten started yet and there weren't too many people here and I didn't say anything. People started arriving, and I ended up stuck in the kitchen for a while, which is still no big deal, everyone was swimming in the pool. There were some other kids there, but my kids asked me previously if they could invite thier friend so and so, so that was fine. They had my permission to be there.


My husband goes outside and starts to cook. Everyone has pretty much arrived now. We weren't sure of exact numbers, so we cooked on the conservative side. I don't have a huge patio table to entertain with, the table I have really only seats 6, but we try to cram 7 or 8 when we can. There was rolls and salads, plates napkins, and condiments on the table so there wasn't a lot of room, but we always make it work. LOL Todd finishes cooking, and puts the food down on the table. When I look at who is at the table, 2 of my uninvited guests have now helped themselves to chicken legs and some pasta salad. They don't even finish what they took, then went back in the pool. By now, I'm just irritated. These kids have been gone from thier house for HOURS, thier parents or grandparents had no idea if they were still there and never came looking for them. They just joined my party like no big deal. SO I went and got Samantha and told her she was going to have to tell them to go home. I was just beyond annoyed. I told her that if they want to come over, thats fine. But from now on, I want thier grandparents or thier mother to bring them over, (please just stop showing up) and they need to ask my permission to be over.


Honestly, when you were a kid, did you EVER just show up at someone's house and just join thier party and eat thier food? I was so appalled at the manners of these kids (though knowing these two, I'm not suprised). Even as a kid, I can't ever recall a time where I would just invite myself to someone's house and start eating their party food. Is it just me, are do people just not want to parent thier children anymore?? If one of my kids had came to me and said 'Our friends just showed up, can they stay for the party?' I might have let them. Or if they even asked me themselves. But I was so annoyed that they just showed up, and assumed they could. And moreso annoyed their grandparents sent them over! I'm not talking they live next door, they live like 10 houses down the street. I never let my kids go that far with out me, and my oldest daughter is 11. At this age, I always know where my kids are.
post #2 of 17
No...can't say I've ever had that happen. That IS irritating! Gah! Although they ARE just kids. Who knows what they thought or what their intentions were. If I was having people over, I probably would have told them as soon as they arrived that there would be no swimming today and sent them home. I probably would have told the girls myself, about needing to have their mother or grandmother bring them from now on, instead of having my child convey the message - just to avoid putting my child in that position, and to avoid any misunderstandings.

In our neighborhood, kids really roam quite freely. Even at younger ages. I kinda like that to be honest, but I get where you're coming from. So maybe the girls weren't exactly 'sent' over by their parents/grandparents - maybe they just said "hey, we're going over to ____'s house!" and that was okay with the parents, so no big deal. If it becomes an issue, you're probably going to have to call and talk to the parents directly.
post #3 of 17
I have kids show up at my doorstep fairly often, but I have no problem telling them my kids can't play right now. How old are the kids? I don't really think kids think about stuff like that, and there is a chance that their parents or grandparents didn't know you were having a party.

In my neighborhood, the kids go to each others' houses to ask if they can play - they don't call on the phone. So if my son asks if he can see if "Chris" can play, and he doesn't come back, I know he stayed at Chris's house to play. That's the way I grew up, too. There is every chance in the world I crashed a neighbor's party growing up and didn't even realize it.
post #4 of 17
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oregano View Post

No...can't say I've ever had that happen. That IS irritating! Gah! Although they ARE just kids. Who knows what they thought or what their intentions were. If I was having people over, I probably would have told them as soon as they arrived that there would be no swimming today and sent them home. I probably would have told the girls myself, about needing to have their mother or grandmother bring them from now on, instead of having my child convey the message - just to avoid putting my child in that position, and to avoid any misunderstandings.

.

I agree. This never really happened much with us either, but we weren't ones to let our kids roam up and down the street either. If the kids were outside playing and it was a house where I could see them, then sure the kids did that. BUt no just going anywhere without being invited or asking.

I also would have sent them home when they first arrived and explained you were having a party with invited guests. Since you let them stay and swim they probably assumed they could also eat with everyone so I'm not sure they can be totally blamed for that.
post #5 of 17
Thread Starter 
I suppose I could take some blame for that, I should have handled it right away and sent them home when they first got here. I did let them swim for a bit before everyone got here, and honestly I was busy I didn't think much about it after until I saw them eating at the table.

Even my 7 year old goes over to the neighbors house when he sees them outside and says "please can I come over to play?" And if its not a good time, they will tell him, but he knows better than to just show up and invite himself.
post #6 of 17
I should add that letting them come down in their swimsuits is a little too presumptuous in my opinion - that just doesn't involve your kids playing but also involves adult supervision, depending on their ages. The kids that come over here often have their suit on under their clothes or in a bag "just in case" but they know if I am busy I won't be able to go out and watch them in the pool. I even have one neighbor who calls if her daughter is over swimming to see if I want a break from watching the kids and she will come down to supervise. I don't often take her up on it, but I think the offer is great.
post #7 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by mew5c View Post

I should add that letting them come down in their swimsuits is a little too presumptuous in my opinion - that just doesn't involve your kids playing but also involves adult supervision, depending on their ages. The kids that come over here often have their suit on under their clothes or in a bag "just in case" but they know if I am busy I won't be able to go out and watch them in the pool. I even have one neighbor who calls if her daughter is over swimming to see if I want a break from watching the kids and she will come down to supervise. I don't often take her up on it, but I think the offer is great.

yes! Our pool is just a little inflatable one, I think its only about 3ft, but I get what you are saying. A child can drown in an inch of water, and I am usually outside when they are swimming. I wasn't yesterday, my husband was, I was in the kitchen. Even so, I would have never showed up expecting to be able to swim, I would wait until I was invited, then went home and changed. But thats just me.
post #8 of 17
A friend of ours is having this same problem with her neighbor kids. Her family came home one day and these kids were pulling toys out of their garage! No one was even home!
post #9 of 17
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by melsb View Post

A friend of ours is having this same problem with her neighbor kids. Her family came home one day and these kids were pulling toys out of their garage! No one was even home!

Wow! that hasn't happened here yet, but even dh commented to me this morning that he wonders when they will help themselves to the pool when we aren't home.
post #10 of 17
Growing up we had neighbors who did that! We got an underground pool when I was pretty young. I remember the neighbors showing up and standing at the fence in their swimsuits. I thought it was pretty annoying, of course they were the neighbors we didn't play with much at all. Maybe that's why I'm SO adamant that my kids aren't those annoying neighbors who show up unannounced and invite themselves in. I don't even like it when my boys swarm the open garage doors. I always tell them to not hang around and wait and see. Ask if the kids can come out, and if not, then leave. Of course mine are still young and so I still sit outside to watch them out front.
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