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Help! Etiquette question regarding a sticky situation

post #1 of 7
6/11/11 at 2:06pm
Thread Starter 
My uncle has a several children. We attended the hs graduation party of his eldest and now the second eldest is graduating. She called to ask which date of two works best for us to attend her party.

First of all, they live 3 hours away, so we'd have the drive, hotel stay, meals and gift to factor in. We did not know this was happening, and feel that with our other summer plans, this would be a tight money stretch. One of the dates is actually open on our calendar.

I don't know how to respond to her phone call, as she appears to be planning her party around us. I really don't want to get into why we don't want to attend. And, I will happily send a gift. But what do I say when I call her back???
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post #2 of 7
6/11/11 at 3:14pm
be honest I would just let her know how thoughtful it was to consider your family for her chosing a date but you will not be able to make it but you planned on sending her something special.
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post #3 of 7
6/11/11 at 4:36pm
I agree w/ debellafunk. If you feel absolutely obligated, well, I see no reason why you would need a hotel stay for a 3 hour trip. I drove from Detroit to Indiana & back for my cousin's funeral in one day. I drove 2.5 hours and back for a friends' baby shower on the other side of the state. It's not the best way to spend the day, but it's certainly do-able.
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post #4 of 7
6/11/11 at 4:54pm
It sounds like they want you there. Are you close to your cousin? Or this part of your family?
I always believe that honesty is the easy way to go- no hiding or story telling to remeber. I also say that yo don't have to give a reason- just say you are sorry you are not going to be able to make it either day and you will be sending a gift off and make sure you do sent if off right away!
No one needs to know the reasons whever it is family or not.
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post #5 of 7
6/11/11 at 5:50pm
Thread Starter 
Thanks to all of you. DH and the my kids did not want to spend 6 hours in the car, so a hotel would have been in order. We are not particularly close to them, as my dad and uncle don't get along that well (but they try). Nevertheless, we did meet them for dinner when they were in town a few months ago, so we do get together.

I bit the bullet and called . . . and was thrilled to get the answering machine! lol. It was easier to say what I wanted to without getting tongue tied or going into too much detail. Now, I have to send a gift - cash would be best, don't you think?
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post #6 of 7
6/13/11 at 8:34am
You don't 'have' to send cash, but it is probably less expensive in the long run. That or a gift certificate. By the time you factor in postage (to ship a box) you are better giving a cheque that you can just mail in a card. That way they get more 'gift'.
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post #7 of 7
6/13/11 at 8:43am
It sounds like you've already made the decision, but I was also going to join the chorus of no hotel stay. My parents lived 2 1/2 hours away and we made the trip for a day every month. We did this from the time they were infants monthly. Yes, it's a long time to spend in a car but it certainly is doable. When my DS just graduated HS my brother drove the 2 1/2 hours, could only stay an hour or two, then had to turn around and drive back.

If you're not going, then I do think a check or gift card of some sort is best. I know for my kids those were the most usable gifts, plus I agree with Stormy that unless you can order them something with free shipping, just a check or gift card would be cheaper in the end anyway.
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