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I think I am being taken advantage of.

post #1 of 12
1/6/12 at 7:38am
Thread Starter 

I know this sounds strange, but because I have a large number of kids, through the years, people assume I don't mind extras being around because what difference does one more make?  As an at home mom, it wasn't a huge deal, but now that I work fulltime, my weekends and evenings are slap full of spending time with my OWN kids...and catching up on my OWN stuff.  I don't mind occasionally helping out, and I don't mind the kids having a friend or two come over....but I DO mind if it becomes a "Oh let's ask Jennifer because SHE is always a sucker...with so many kids, she will never notice our two (or ten)", ya know? 

Case in point is that a friend mentioned last week needing an all weekend helper for their two year old.  I skirted the issue, NEVER saying yes.  I already get suckered into helping out most Mondays with the same child, who is a HANDFUL.  I get a phone call today saying that they will be dropping off the 2 year old at her grandmother's house because the bus (it's some tournament) will be leaving before I get off, and would I please swing by there to get her?  Um...I never agreed to this, darnit!!!  But in that the son this tournament is for is SO excited for some one on one time and was told I was keeping his sister...I feel kind of stuck.  It is my weekend without my own kids.  I have a girls night out planned tonight with a group of ladies I am trying to "fit in" with, two basketball games with my own kids tomorrow (even though they are with their dad, I will still go!), and a house to clean.  Ugh.  I have GOT to figure out how to make people understand that mom of six is mom to MY six, not yours, too!!!

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post #2 of 12
1/6/12 at 7:44am

Ihate that! I get a lot of people who Expect me to help them since I stay home but itseems when I need the help no way arethey available.

 

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post #3 of 12
1/6/12 at 7:52am
Thread Starter 

Kelly, EXACTLY!

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post #4 of 12
1/6/12 at 7:52am

 

Quote:

Case in point is that a friend mentioned last week needing an all weekend helper for their two year old.  I skirted the issue, NEVER saying yes.

This is where you respond with "I hope you find someone who can help you out."  That clearly tells the other person that it is NOT you, without you actually saying no, because they haven't asked you.

 

As far as the current situation, when they called to tell you about picking them up, your response should have been "What are you talking about? I didn't plan on this. You mentioned you were looking for someone to help, but you didn't book me."  Then, the other person should find someone else. They have to know more people other than you. Unless you push back, you will continue to be taken advantage of. There is nothing wrong with saying no when it is not convenient - it makes it all the more special when you say yes.

 

I would tell this person that there must have been some miscommunication & this is not on your calendar - push them to find someone else. If they can't find someone else, and you CAN help, and you WANT to help, you can choose to step up then.

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post #5 of 12
1/6/12 at 8:07am
Calimari is exactly right. I'd tell them I had other plans.
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post #6 of 12
1/6/12 at 9:00am

Or I would have said "Oh I'm sorry, wish I could help but I've got some other things to do this weekend". If you don't want to do it, don't

'skirt' the issue, tell them straight out "I CAN'T HELP, sorry."   Its pretty rude for someone to assume you are just available.

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post #7 of 12
1/6/12 at 9:07am

I totally agree with Calamari. Sometimes you just have to say no and they will learn but it will keep happening if you don't speak up and set limits with people. Good luck it's not easy but don't let people take advantage of you.

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post #8 of 12
1/6/12 at 9:11am

I would have also simply said no and it isn't too late for you to tell her you can't--that you never said you would.  The more you say no, the easier it gets.

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post #9 of 12
1/6/12 at 9:28am

I would have said something along the lines of Oh is that something I agreed to beaucse I don't remeber and I have plans this evening.  They will keep doing this to you as long as you let them. You are in control of this situation.  I like Calimari's advice too

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post #10 of 12
1/6/12 at 9:32am
Thread Starter 

Okay, because the trip is today, I agreed to do it this weekend but made it very clear that in the future without a firm asking of and a firm yes back, I am NOT doing this again.  It was a, "I'm your friend, not your doormat" kind of conversation.   Thanks ladies. 

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Mommysavers › Forums › General Discussion › Family Matters › I think I am being taken advantage of.