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HELP! Need Advice ASAP- DD & schoolwork

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
A little background on DD- she is 12, this is her 1st year at a new school and she has always been a good student- until this year we're talking straight A's. .


Her math grade has dropped and she is in tutoring for it...fine. She is bringing that grade up and her teacher is proud of her progress.

This AM I got an e-mail from her Language/Social Studies teacher telling me DD had an assignment due Friday...She didn't turn it in and was supposed to on Monday, well she was sick yesterday so it was due today. Her teacher asked her for it and DD said "My dog ate it." NOW....our hound DOES tend to eat a lot of different things around the house, I will not deny that, but I'm pretty sure i'd notice if the dog ate something that the students were working on for 3 weeks (I'd think it was a rather large project). The teacher told DD to bring in a note stating this is true (I don't believe it to be truthful). DD needs to be responsible for her work and I really think her comment was a smart a$$ one made to look "cool"in front of her friends...but I'm mad.

How would you handle this if it was your child? I have not responded to the teachers emails yet and I am fuming mad at DD.
post #2 of 13

I would be livid.  This very same thing could be written about W this year!  His grades tumbled b/c he simply wasn't turning in assignments and applying himself.

 

I went to his therapist about it.  I have never heard him raise his voice at W (in 4 years) but he did last week.  W had two options.  He could accept my help.  That means not rolling his eyes when I ask about hw/studying, not lying, not talking back about it.  It also meant when I said let me see.... he had to produce it or there were consequences (think no ipod, phone, etc until he is caught up).  OR He could tell me he didn't want my help.  A sink or swim system.  As hard as it would be, I agreed. 

 

He made W think about it and then get back to us.  Dr. E and I went online and looked up grades.... W spoke up that he would accept my help.  I've set up a little comp book where he is to record all his time spent studying.  His teachers initial his assignment book, as do I.  He wasn't happy about that part but back to the 'do you want the help or not?'    He was probably embarrassed. Too bad.  I was embarrassed by a child that didn't care for no apparent reason.  Had he done his part he wouldn't have to get his assignment book signed as an 8th grader.  Pretty sure they won't do this for him in HIGH SCHOOL next year!  Hoping to get through to him in this last term.

 

Long and short of it...don't write the note.  Make her life he!! and send a strong message now as to nip it in the bud and hopefully the message will stick and she'll snap out of it.  JMHO!

post #3 of 13
I am going to take a bit different of an approach. First, don't get mad, this is her issue, not yours, and even if you still are irritated, don't let her see it. That said, she still needs to see that because of her recent behavior, an appropriate discipline will have to be enforced. Loss of a phone, computer try, not going to a friend's house, whatever hits home for her the hardest. And perhaps she does need a planner that you check off on and, perhaps, that is part of the punishment. Also it might be worth looking to see if there are any changes going on in her life that you are not aware of. A new friend. The loss of an old friend. Maybe she was just showing off for her friends, wouldn't be the first time, but just make sure something else isn't going on.

Good luck.
post #4 of 13

I had a similar issue with dd last year and her math grade.... she was moved into a higher math level (enrichment level math) and was doing misrable. The teacher knows me from various committees we are on together, and he would stop me almost every day after school to talk to me and ask me to talk to her.  Finally one day he asked if he and I could have a meeting with her, so we were ALL on the same page.  He basically told her she earned her spot in that class.  And if she didn't want it, she could go back to a regular math class and get and A, but it would mean nothing. It would just be an A.  OR she could put some effort into what she was doing, stay in his class, and earn an A, and that would carry SO much more weight then just an A in the other class.  Together we told her how much more we expected from her, and I grounded her until I saw an improvement or actual effort in her grade for that class. I agree, it was laziness, or a joke and I wasn't doing it.  SO she knew what was expected and she buckled down.  She was able to bring her D up to a B.

 

I think its also the age, we think they are taking things seriously, but how do we know whats going on outside out of our house?  My friend had a dd, same age, who is brillliant.  Her IQ was crazy high, and she was always a straight A student and in enrichment also.  In 6th grade, ALL her grades have dropped and she earned an F in math.  Her parents were livid, not just at her, but at the teacher who didn't tell them there was a problem... when a straight A student goes to an F wouldn't you have a red flag popping up telling you something is amiss??? The dd is grounded, pulled out of her favorite things until her parents see an improvement in her grades.

post #5 of 13

Oh I WOULD be writing a note...saying just what you said....that while your hound HAS been known to eat odd things, but that YOU do not a THING about him eating her homework.  And I would make her have to sign or initial it to return back to you so that you KNEW she had given it to her.  Give those consequences a little push...cause oh YES do you have EVERY reason to be LIVID. But oh yes, should this be HER dealing with it, NOT you!

 

And a side note....the signing the book thing to check on studying or progress...JUST THIS WEEK I mentioned to my ex that maybe we needed to have our ALMOST GROWN SON do this on JOB applications (I was being a smart ass!). He is living proof that when you let things slide when they are younger, it DOES catch up to them.  And it is NOT pretty!  nonono2.gif  Too often he came out smelling like roses when he SHOULD have faced the consequences. Being cool gets you NO WHERE fast...and she needs to learn that now! 

post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Since her grades started dropping I have been enforcing the agenda (she has to write down EVERYTHING she has for homework and she does it, shows it to me and I sign off on it)...this is the first I'm hearing about this project, so I don't know if it was school work or what (and why DD didn't write it down mad.gif ). The teachers don't check the agendas regularly, but I do. I rely on it and teacher ease to know what is going on.

There HAVE been some friend issues lately...I thought it was nothing more than middle school drama and DD was handling it well...I thought...maybe I need to look further into it.


This really is a first for me...DD has always been such a good kid....I'm so lost with this!
post #7 of 13
I agree pretty much with what everyone else has said. I'd talk to her and then make sure she completed the project even if she wasn't going to get credit for it. In our schools you only got 50% credit if it was a day late and a 0% if more than a day late. I'd then also take away privileges until she brought the overall grade in the class up. For me personally, the worst part would be the smart a*s remark she made to the teacher. That just really wouldn't fly with me. I expected (& I'm sure you do too) that my kids be respectful to teachers/coaches/authority figures. I'd ask her why she said that, and if the dog REALLY didn't eat the homework and she was just being mouthy I'd punish her more for that than the late homework.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliadam View Post

I agree pretty much with what everyone else has said. I'd talk to her and then make sure she completed the project even if she wasn't going to get credit for it. In our schools you only got 50% credit if it was a day late and a 0% if more than a day late. I'd then also take away privileges until she brought the overall grade in the class up. For me personally, the worst part would be the smart a*s remark she made to the teacher. That just really wouldn't fly with me. I expected (& I'm sure you do too) that my kids be respectful to teachers/coaches/authority figures. I'd ask her why she said that, and if the dog REALLY didn't eat the homework and she was just being mouthy I'd punish her more for that than the late homework.

Yes, and that's the other issue I'm having with it now too....She has ALWAYS been very respectful...she has her smart a$$ moments with me, and at home it is one thing tolerated in small doses, but to another adult- is completely unacceptable. And this is one of her favorite teachers frown.gif I'll have more to update in a few hours when I go pick her up...for now though Hubby and i decided her schedule will be : Wake Up, go to school, come home, homework, dinner, finish homework, clean your room, read, go to bed. NO friends and NO computer- she was doing so much better when we took away her chat last time, so we'll see this time and if we need to take it further with her we will...Oh and she WILL do that assignment... credit or no credit.


Thanks everyone!
post #9 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by 2bearsmom View Post

Yes, and that's the other issue I'm having with it now too....She has ALWAYS been very respectful...she has her smart a$$ moments with me, and at home it is one thing tolerated in small doses, but to another adult- is completely unacceptable. And this is one of her favorite teachers frown.gif I'll have more to update in a few hours when I go pick her up...for now though Hubby and i decided her schedule will be : Wake Up, go to school, come home, homework, dinner, finish homework, clean your room, read, go to bed. NO friends and NO computer- she was doing so much better when we took away her chat last time, so we'll see this time and if we need to take it further with her we will...Oh and she WILL do that assignment... credit or no credit.
Thanks everyone!

Sounds like a good plan mom!!
post #10 of 13

It does sound like you came up with a great plan.  The only thing I was going to add (and I may not be remembering correctly), but isn't this a new school for her--at least beginning this school year?  Did she know anyone before going there?  I guess I'm also wondering if it isn't more her trying to fit in with the new kids...

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