Have you modified your career for your children? - Page 2

When M'ija was little, I quit a job I loved and took one I could barely tolerate because it paid better and had better benefits.

Have I modified my career? Not really. I have a job. I was laid off for 6 months, this new position appears to be stable and I get a consistent paycheck. I work jobs I hate so that I can bring in paychecks necessary to pay the bills. That is what I do for my children. I don't have the luxury to be a stay at home mom, nor my husband a stay at home dad.  You finding it offensive to you that your friend was exasperated with working and that you would quit? That seems shocking to me. You were a working proffessional, you found a job that offered flexibility, so you could be home for your daughter...good for you. Doesn't mean it's an option for everyone, certainly not now with the job market and unemployment rate, there are a dozen people who could take any position at a more preferred schedule. Especially for a nurse, that position is notorious for having long shifts, as well as emergency and on call time, rotating schedules, etc. For her to insist on a certain schedule isn't reality unless she's a queen bee with a ton of seniority in a very even area of the hospital. I'm sure we would all love nothing more than to be there for every moment of our childs life, or at least for sending off to school, coming home or dinner. For a lot of people that's not a reality. For a lot of people having the income necessary to financially provide for your children is where the responsibility trumps being there. It's just a hard fact of life. What about single mothers? Are they supposed to not work so that they can be there?  What we want to do, would like to do, people think we should do, have to do, or need to do are very rarely the same thing.

 

I don't know the intimate details of people's lives, but I do get judgemental when I hear stay at home moms with kids at school all day complain about finances. Go work a couple hours during the day then. Daycare costs are crazy, I can understand when that gets factored in. For many people they'd be working just to try and cover that!

Edited by Karen1985 - 4/7/12 at 7:12pm

I modified my career so much for dd that I quit it altogether. lol

 

I don't judge families for what they have to do to keep a roof over their heads.  It's easy to look from the outside in to somebody's life and say "If you have such a crappy job, why don't you just find another one?"  In this economy, that's easier said than done.  With jobs so hard to come by, a lot of people have to put up with lousy hours, lousy pay, and lousy benefits just to get by.

Oh yes.  One, I stayed at home all those years.  And two, part of why I am where I am is because of the kids.  It sucks..totally sucks...but it has been in their best interest to hold on.  I'm praying now that something else comes up that will further my "career" for ME...and for them..but in a different way.

While I say yes, I have a job that is family friendly, I admit that there is no way I could do this job as a single mom, it just would not pay the bills. Also, I will also admit, that my oldest stayed home alone much younger then she should have because I had to work. There was just no other way to pay the bills. Me staying home just could not happen. We did and still do have to make tough decisions on what we think is best for our families at the time. I try hard not to judge others decisions because I rarely know the entire story.

I try hard not to, I really do.  For myself, I honestly don't know how I would be able to do a full time job and raise ds.  I did work part time before we moved and I loved that.  It was a great balance for me.  But full time there was no way, short of absolutely having to (as in if dh lost his job).  I find keeping us fed the way I want to (mostly homemade meals), keeping the house the way  I want to (I like a tidy house) and being there for ds (he goes to a school that doesn't provide a school bus, plus he is definitely not old enough to stay on his own, and even if he was I wouldn't want him to).  I almost think kids need someone home more  (dads or moms) as they get older!!  Also, for the kind of job that I would be getting, I would have to have put ds in day care which I wasn't interested in.  If I had the kind of job where I could hire a private nanny, that might be a different thing.  I might feel better about it.

 

However I am certainly not going to push these beliefs upon anyone else.  I know some moms that work full time and keep a nice house and provide nice healthy dinners - I don't know how late they stay up, how early they get up - to do this, I can see some of them absolutely getting little sleep because they want to do this and I commend them.  I know some moms that just live with an non-tidy home, they are fine with that, and that is fine for them!  I also know quite a few moms that make a great wage and have live in nannies and that works for them as well.

 

I think the only times I 'judge' is where the parents both work and the kids are neglected.   Fortunately I don't *really* know people like this first - hand.  I know of some second-hand.  I know some that are on that edge.  It's questionable but the kids aren't in any harm.  I know some of some sad cases where kids are 9-10 years old, on their own, and are very sad and lonely and my heart breaks for them.  Some of the moms seemingly don't have to work.  I am more apt to judge cases like that.

 

My profession also had a lot to do with staying home.  I didn't have a career, I had a job.  Now my old oncologist, a brilliant woman, had three kids and a live in nanny and great babysitters.  She was/is brilliant and a leader in her field.  She was a great mom and had a wonderful career, which pulled a wage that let her have the 'best of both worlds', but I think even she had her druthers/problems.  At least her career was one worth the sacrifice for - helping save lives.  My old job in a billing department, give me a break!  We never lived off my salary and knew we could make it fine if we lived just on dh's and banked mine.  Some people don't have that luxury, or the education to know this.  I still remember my first *real* job, I knew a very fine woman who was engaged and told me her plans to stay home when she got pregnant.  How they would never live off her salary, never base their house on two salaries (a huge factor), just use her salary for extras and to put in the bank.  10 years later I was in the same position and did the exact same thing and that enabled us for me to stay home with ds.  Had I not had these in-depth conversations with this wonderful woman, I don't know if it would have been that  easy.  We would have spent my $$ on bills, we would have bought a larger house in a better neighborhood based on both our salaries.  When I had ds it would have been Hard if we had lived a larger lifestyle.  As it was, I was educated early on how to have what we wanted, and it has worked out so well for us.  

 

Also just wanted to add that getting a part time job is not that easy either even for a stay at home mom.  Because you are working with the school year.  What do you do during the summer?  When I did my merchandising job, I worked at nights in the summer.  It was a drag, but enabled me to keep my job during the school year, and I was really lucky because it was only twice a week for four hours a night, and two hours on Saturdays because summers were slow there.  But even now I'm leery to get a part time job for April-beginning of June.  What am I going to do when they tell me they want me to work 4 hours a day?  Ds will be home!  So dispel notion that is easy either.  It's not.

Edited by Stormy - 4/9/12 at 10:09am

Yes, I'm a SAHM after teaching for 8 years. I was actually thinking about this last night, I realized that by the time my youngest starts full time school and I return to part time work, I will have been home for longer than my teaching career. This works for us, but I understand that it does not work for everyone. Dh works a full time+ job and runs a small business on the side, so I need to be super flexible as he regularly works 7 days a week. We have struggled a lot in the past to make this work, do not own a home and drive older cars so we can afford to live in a good school district, but it's finally starting to pay off.

 

I will work again, hopefully part time for the school district to allow the same holiday schedule and to be available after school. The extra money will be nice for retirement, extra activities for the kids, etc, plus ideally I could carry my own benefits. I grew up with two very hard working parents and a very limited income and I would like to provide my kids more experiences and comforts than I had.

 

 

 

 

Well said!

 

I have modified my job, mainly because i couldn't find anything else and HAD to get a job.  Unfortunately, I have always HAD to work to bring in an income for my household, even being married, I always made more than my spouse.  The pay at my job really sucks, the hours are good except I can't get off alot of times, but I can take my DD's with me to work for free.  I would never, ever judge someone else for the job they choose, jobsare so scarce now-a-days you have to take what you can and go with it.  Not everyone has the same opportunities of staying home or working part time.