Dh and I are fighting

after reading all your post I am just plan wondering if you dh uses the house as an excuse at times. How would you answer this? Is he really happy with his life and where he is at?  I know that my dh and I fight about one thing all the time. I had to finally say to him if this ____ problem goes away you really think you will be happy. I will still be me and I will still do all the things I do every day. He thought about it for a while (months) and things have changed he doesn't focus on it anymore. You can move and sell your house but your problems will move with you. 

As I've suggested before, I really think you could benefit from some marriage counseling. This isn't just about moving. All of your past posts about your dh indicate that there is a serious communication problem between the two of you. You are going in circles and you need someone to help you navigate a different course.

I agree with the idea you guys might benefit from marriage counseling.  DH and I did it for a while when we were first married and he was first diagnosed and it really helped.  For us, we needed a "referee,"  somebody impartial to help interpret, look at things objectively and get us to see the other's pov.  I think all couples can benefit from counseling at some point.  I think it's helpful even if you're not having problems truthfully.  We still go back every once in a while for a little help, even though things are really good. 

 

Good luck!   

I know marriage counseling has been mentioned on here before and you and/or DH are not interested. If his mood swings are that all over the page, as you say, then he needs medication and should probably see his doctor. Honestly, I do not know why you stay in this marriage other than you are perfectly happy in your world when he isn't around. Problem is, he comes home. If he is swearing at you and throwing fits then you are dealing with a type of mental abuse and that cannot be healthy for you or your daughters who have to be effected by his mood swings as well.

I don't care how much money he is making or how many promotions he gets, no man would treat me as you say your husband does and I most certainly would not allow my children to be subjected to the environment that you have continued to leave them in. Leaving would not be easy, your income probably would probably drop and most likely you would have to get a job but at least you would have self respect and your children would grow up seeing that it is not acceptable for a man to treat a woman like dirt.

This.

 

If he won't go to therapy. You go alone. You wrote: "I refuse to be miserable and not let our kids enjoy childhood." I contend that you seem pretty miserable and your children aren't enjoying seeing their parents fight violently so much of the time.

 

 

I didn't realize this... so I'd change my reply to:

 

Your daughters are learning how a man "should" treat them by watching how your husband treats you.  I'd be very concerned about what they're learning.  Is this the kind of relationship you'd want them involved in in the future?  B/c girls tend to marry guys an awful lot like their dads and think that what they saw growing up is the "norm" or how they should be treated.  I'm not trying to judge, I'm just trying to remind you of something I'm sure you already know. 

 

 

 

He seems very unhappy, and looking for a way to leave the relationship. IMO. I'm sorry:(

I know this exact same disagreement has been going on for YEARS, long before the housing market crashed and so I do wonder if your DH is right.........You are content there and like it there and don't really want to leave regardless of the money issue. I agree with the others that I wouldn't want to be with a man who yelled at me or who was angry in front of my children. But in your DH's defense, I also wouldn't want to be in a marriage with someone who never listened to my concerns and me expressing your unhappiness repetitively like your DH has to be. He has NEVER won the argument in all these years. You ALWAYS win the argument. He has seemed unhappy about the housing situation for YEARS and yet nothing changes. If I was him I'd be beyond frustrated that I worked hard and made good money and never got my wishes acknowledged.

This issue has been ruining your marriage for years. Continuing to do nothing about it but come here and vent periodically is NOT going to solve the issue. So if you want to save your marriage then either go to counseling or just take the loss and start over. It would suck to lose all that money, but it has sounded in the past when you've described the neighborhood, that you may never recoup the loss. So you may just have to take a loss or continue to live there until your DH explodes and leaves.

I know in the past people have suggested going through the motions of granting his wishes. If he wants it sold, then list it. If he doesn't get an offer that is satisfactory to him, then HE can decide to not sell it. At least then he can feel that he has made a decision to continue living there. If he does want to sell it at a loss, then you have to decide whether you want the money or your marriage.