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Son and Daughter refuse to wear summer clothes - Page 2

post #11 of 38
6/19/12 at 7:22pm

Well Ruthie, I thought about it. All the girl wants to do is be modest. Heaven help us that there are high school girls who want to be more covered up than is the norm. If the only exclusion the school will grant is for religious reasons (several religions have a modesty ethic - pick one) then I'm all for lying. If the school would be reasonable and just let the girl be modest, fine, but if not then work within their framework so everyone is blissfully happy. In other words, if my daughter wanted to go to Disneyland for a week and wants me to lie about it so she can get an excused absence, no go. I'm not lying for a frivolous reason. But if my daughter is shy and modest and there is absolutely no good reason why the school won't bend their silly rules to accommodate my daughter when they'll bend their rules for other reasons and other circumstances, then I'm going to lie to them.

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post #12 of 38
6/20/12 at 3:13am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookie2 View Post

 All the girl wants to do is be modest. Heaven help us that there are high school girls who want to be more covered up than is the norm. If the only exclusion the school will grant is for religious reasons (several religions have a modesty ethic - pick one) then I'm all for lying. If the school would be reasonable and just let the girl be modest, fine, but if not then work within their framework so everyone is blissfully happy. In other words, if my daughter wanted to go to Disneyland for a week and wants me to lie about it so she can get an excused absence, no go. I'm not lying for a frivolous reason. But if my daughter is shy and modest and there is absolutely no good reason why the school won't bend their silly rules to accommodate my daughter when they'll bend their rules for other reasons and other circumstances, then I'm going to lie to them.

well said.

 

If it is JUST a modest issue, only you know your daughter then I would do that.  If its just a teenager trying to be difficult to be difficult, then I wouldn't do that.  

 

Has this always been an issue?

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post #13 of 38
6/20/12 at 3:25am

If the school has a dress code then she needs to follow the dress code. Period. I'm assuming based on the age difference that she is at the high school and your son is in middle school? If so, the difference in 'acceptable' gym attire is moot.

 

Has she told you why she refuses to wear shorts? If it's not for religious reasons then I am against Cookie's suggestion to go to the school and tout that as a reason and getting an exception based off that. It's lying, end of story. Is it for modesty, shyness, rebellion, etc? Ask her WHY she refuses to wear them, and then you'll know how to proceed.

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post #14 of 38
6/20/12 at 5:22am

I'm thinking the girl has some sort of very negative self-image of herself. She is ashamed of her body for some reason. She doesn't think she measures up and wants to cover herself. Or, maybe she was sexually abused at some point & wants to cover herself (a common reaction). My sister would wear jeans and other hot clothes in the middle of summer because she thought herself too fat and ugly. She was no bigger than me, and I wore shorts and tanks. It all had to do w/ her low self-esteem. If that is the issue, you need to work on that.

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post #15 of 38
6/20/12 at 5:43am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Cookie2 View Post

Well Ruthie, I thought about it. All the girl wants to do is be modest. Heaven help us that there are high school girls who want to be more covered up than is the norm. If the only exclusion the school will grant is for religious reasons (several religions have a modesty ethic - pick one) then I'm all for lying. If the school would be reasonable and just let the girl be modest, fine, but if not then work within their framework so everyone is blissfully happy. In other words, if my daughter wanted to go to Disneyland for a week and wants me to lie about it so she can get an excused absence, no go. I'm not lying for a frivolous reason. But if my daughter is shy and modest and there is absolutely no good reason why the school won't bend their silly rules to accommodate my daughter when they'll bend their rules for other reasons and other circumstances, then I'm going to lie to them.

But if it is a modesty issues, then bring that up to the school board. But IMO, teaching your kids that lying in certain situations is not the answer.

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post #16 of 38
6/20/12 at 6:50am

I would talk to the school this may not even have to be an issue as far as school goes and my oldest NEVER would wear shorts only black levi's and i didnt care as long as he was happy and that was a good that I just wanted him happy, because he died at the age of 18...

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post #17 of 38
6/20/12 at 7:09am

Thinking back, my nephew would only wear long pants/ sleeves because he was hiding the fact that he was a cutter. He had cutting scars on his arms/ legs.

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post #18 of 38
6/20/12 at 12:33pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by Kimberly 1 View Post

What do you mean by bigger size shorts. She is just shy but they would need to fit. Do you mean longer ones?

Yes, sorry I should have clarified.  And this is IF it was the reason.  I definitely would not lie.  I would get creative.  Shorts have hems, they can be taken down, they can be bought in a larger size and the waist taken in, etc. etc.  Lying would never be an option for me and definitely not for religious reasons if none existed.  And I don't see how the rule is stupid either.  It a rule, there is a dress code for PE.  Why not just get creative and work around the issue? 

 

Also she said the SON and daughter refuse to wear summer clothes.  Does he worry he's showing too much leg too?  Sounds like they are just being difficult, which is still fine to come up with creative ideas to work around the issue.  Buy lying? That just sets you up for something they deem dumb and they are not going to do it, so they are going to lie about it.  Which would be a problem when the child sees something as dumb But the parent does not.  Then what are you going to to?


Edited by Stormy - 6/20/12 at 12:45pm
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post #19 of 38
6/20/12 at 1:23pm
Thread Starter 

I want to Thank everyone for the input but I am still not sure what to do. One thing I will not do is lie to the School for such a minor thing. Then again I will not lie for anything and teach them that it is Ok to lie if you don't like something whether it be School rules or the laws that are passed. I try to encourage honesty at all times. I now teenagers will lie at times but in the long run they are honest people.

 

Now to try and explain a little of what was ask. Yes I have asked my daughter why she doesan't like shorts and she says it makes her feel naked and she doesn't like people looking at her legs. Her legs are fine and No she doesn't cut herself. As for my son he has this crazy idea that shorts are only for girls. Even though right this moment it is in the mid 90's here and he is out riding bikes with his friends and he is wearing jeans and shoes and socks and a t-shirt. All his friends are shirtless and wearing shorts and sandals. My daughter today went out with her frineds and she is also in jeans and t-shirt with shoes and socks. her freinds are all in cut offs and tank tops and flip-flops

 

I have had so many people with differing opinions as what to do. I don't want to be mean but then again I am not sure it is healthy in the heat for so many clothes and letting the shyness get worse. Yes all it is is shyness. My oldest daughter who is 19 now was one that I had to make her wear more clothes. She is of the opinion that I made her dress how she didn't like that I should make them dress for the weather. My sister said she would make her wear the gym shorts for a month and she bets that she will like them after she sees how much cooler it is. My ex the kids father said I buy the clothes so just buy them what I want them to wear. He is no help. Others have told me to just let it go and hope they come to the conclusion that they are uncomfortable. I really do need to make a decision and stick to it.

 

Like I said we are going on Vacation to where my other sister lives and it is by the beach. They like every other year will not go to the beach and will sit back at the house. Neither has a swim suit. That sister has said for years I should break them of this. I have heard there friends ask them how they can stand it with so many clothes on in the heat. I hear them make up things and say stuff like I don't get hot and crazy things like that. I think part of the problem is that they are both afraid they will take some teasing from there friends if they are seen in shorts. I am sure that might happen but will fade quickly. They will just be dressed like everyone else. If anyone has any ideas they don't want to be put on here please send me a private message. .

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post #20 of 38
6/20/12 at 2:44pm

It isn't really an issue of being modest IMO. She sounds very insecure. Making something up to help her get out of it would only make it worse. She needs to follow the dress code. Buy her the longest shorts possible. Does she really want to fail because she won't wear shorts for one class? Around here you need a 2 PE credits in order to graduate.

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