How to be less controlling with $$ - Page 2

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy 

I think what I'm going to do (not right now, maybe next payday) is going to sit down and discuss between us what we think would be a reasonable amount of $$ per paycheck for each of us for use as personal spending $$.  I think that will eliminate the feelings I have.  

I know that keeps me from hyperventilating over hubby's purchases lol  I know it's our blow money so there's no stress attached to it.

For the longest time, I kept control of the money.  It really hurt my relationship with Dh.  It took a bit of counseling to see what I was doing--but I became the gate keeper.  He'd come to me with what he wanted to purchase and I would say no.  

Now it is so much different.  We have so much less disposable income.  I still do the bills, but each month, I show he what we have left (which is usually nothing).  He knows money is tight and he makes his own decisions on whether or not he thinks we can afford something.  He does run it by me, but I always just tell him, this is our situation--you decide.  

I think a lot of becoming less controlling is also really related to how much wiggle room is there. 

If we stick exactly to our budget we have $25 left over at the end of the month. When we get to a place where we have more then this then maybe I can become less controlling

Also, It works for us but the purchasing, bills, finances all fall to me. As a single income family we don't have a his pay check and a hers check. There is only an ours. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by ember15 

I think a lot of becoming less controlling is also really related to how much wiggle room is there. 

I agree with that statement.  Even though dh is the main breadwinner, he's not controlling (neither am I).  When we had much less cash, I used to nitpick his purchases a lot more (especially eating lunches out).  Now they don't bother me as much because we can afford it and I know it's something he enjoys.   It also really helps to have a certain amount of "fun money" set aside for each spouse to blow each month, no questions asked.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy 

 

No red flags.  He was going to Israel for work, and wanted to extend it by two days so he could go to the Holy Sulpechre (sp) and the Dead Sea with his boss and co worker.  If anything that spiritually helped me because he prayed for me where the body of Jesus' was prepared for burial.

That makes sense. Frankly, if I were in Israel, I'd want to do the same thing. Sometimes hubby would be stuck in a foreign country and have nothing to do on the weekends. In some countries to do anything he'd need an escort provided by the company but, of course, those people want to have the weekend off so hubby would sit around his hotel for most of his time off. That really isn't very fun when you're in a fantastic foreign country but can't enjoy your time there. Since his room and food was already paid, it was nothing for us to let him see the sights if he had a way to get there. However, once his business trip was done, all he wanted to do was get home.

I agree with Mels, that sometimes I'll pay the bills then send hubby an e-mail with an outline of our financial situation, including upcoming expenses. There are times when he'll tell me he really appreciates me doing that. He wants to be more involved but he isn't sure what schedule I'm working on so he never knows when to ask me without looking like he is nagging me about it.