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Here we go again

post #1 of 8
7/30/12 at 7:10pm
Thread Starter 

So much for life falling into a normal routine. As of tonight DH and I are the proud (or not so much) surrogate parents of a 15 yr old girl! My niece is now livign with us. Oi vey. We sure are getting a crash course in parenting teenagers this summer! First a boy who vandalized a car and now a teen who can't pass a drug test! 

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post #2 of 8
7/31/12 at 9:09am

WHY are you taking on other people's kids?
 

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post #3 of 8
7/31/12 at 9:36am

Wondering the same thing.  You have young kids you have an 11 year old who needs good role models not a 15 year old niece who can't pass a drug test.

 

I understand wanting to help out family and feeling that this is the right thing to do but I have also know that there is a point when your kids need that normal routine.  You need to protect your children first. 

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post #4 of 8
7/31/12 at 10:18am
I take in other people's kids but it is our job. I also have pysch evauls, interviews with parents, councilors, teachers and therapists before we bring the kids in and sometimes we still can get a completely different kid from what is advertised. I cannot just imagine taking in some kid off the street. Even foster care, which we also do a bitmof here and there, doesn't give me a lot of information.

My kid's work as hard as we do, in someways, and trust me, both are very capable of reaming the boys when they screw up. It is a way of life and they run with it. But DH and I work very hard to ensure our children also lead a very balanced life. DH takes the boys out, for days at a time, so our kids can have their house, not their father, but their house. My kids have given up vacations, bdays and holidays because of our work. Next week, for their father to travel our of town with us, we will have one boy with us. Don't get me wrong, there are benefits too. Some of the boys we grow very attached too. I have a 26 and 25 year old, former students, coming to visit in a couple of weeks. I love those two. But other times ... it's a paycheck that pays pretty well. And God knows, sometimes I really need that paycheck.

Also we have a time limit on how long we feel it is acceptable for non-related teenage boys to be living with our daughter. From the other parents I have spoken with who have done this same line of work, their daughters started having crushes on the older teenage boys at around age 11. DD will be 9 in September and DH and I are looking (hopefully) to move it out of our house this time next year, at the latest two years.

I guess, what I am saying, you can do it but you have to have guidelines. You are watching other young children in your house as well, aren't you? I cannot imagine combining the two, especially when you are dealing with a kid that can't remain sober.
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post #5 of 8
7/31/12 at 11:06am
Thread Starter 

We do it because it is family and there is no choice. At least not as far as we are concerned. These are good kids that have fallen to circumstance. I know their hearts and those are good. They need guidance, boundaries, rules, and most importantly love and understanding. We have always been a part of these kids lives, all the kids in our family really. THere were 3 summers in a row where we cared for DHs aunts 2 kids 60+ hours a week plus 2 weekends a month. We are the kid people in the family. It is just who we are. At this point I don't think there is an addiction to pot. I think it is something she does when she can but doesn't have withdrawls if she doesn't. Does that make sense? It may all come to an end today though. Her drug counselor is supposed to be coming by. She could actually remove her and place her in rehab. We just don't know. We, the dad dh and myself, all feel our home and family has something to offer these kids that can help. Yes, I am watching a 1 and 2 yr old. THeir parents know whats up. DH, being a corrections officer, did a complete shakedown on her stuff and she has nothign on her. She has no means of contacting her friends so no means of getting anything. We will not be leaving her alone at any point so no worries there. I am not entirely on my own. I have the backup of my BIL, the caseworker, the casa worker, the family therapist and the drug counselor. Today has been a good and easy day. I laid out our rules and expectations for her last night. I wanted to be sure we were all on the same page. My house has never been dull or routine and my kids so far have done well. We will be watching closely though. 

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post #6 of 8
7/31/12 at 6:51pm

Wishing you the best!! I hope it works out! I would probably take in family if there was no other choice as well.

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post #7 of 8
8/1/12 at 8:30am

I almost took in my niece last year so I understand.  Hope all is going well for you.

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post #8 of 8
8/1/12 at 9:38am
Thread Starter 

So far so good. I have a lot to overcome with her. She has issues with me because her mom and our uncle have filled her head with crap like that I keep calling child services and I keep snitching on her. (well, I do tell her dad when I see something he needs to know about like her being home alone and having a party. Would I be a responsible parent/adult if I didnt'?) We had a really good day yesterday. Spent a lot of time together talking and laughing. When seh spoke to her dad on the phone last night and was crying I did my best to comfort her. I will work on rebuilding her trust in me as she works on rebuilding trust with, well, everyone. 

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