Judgemental???? - Page 3

What I love ... and hate ... about discussion forums is you get all sorts of replies. Honestly, some replies I read and I think "junk - pure junk". Some I read and I think "how wise!" Take what works for you, leave the rest. When you're getting so upset about a post that you're obsessing about it away from the computer, it is time to take a break. Get advice from a variety of resources, especially real-life friends and family who know more about your situation. Keep in mind, some advice posted here may be exactly what your best friends WISH they could say to you. That's one of the blessings of discussion forums; we don't have to look into your eyes when we're saying it.
 

Another blessing of discussion forums is I count as "friends" people who are members who I have never met. Some of these people are so much like me; I feel a natural kinship with them. If we were neighbors, we'd be fast friends. Other people are so very different from me, if it weren't for this discussion forum, I'd never have had the opportunity to get to know them. That would have been a huge loss in my life. And there are some people who I have had to get to know for a very long time before I could grow to appreciate what they're writing and the advice they are giving.

Sadly, there are some people on discussion forums who are completely fake. They never reveal the truth about their lives. We won't ever know exactly who those people are or how many are members on the board. This is the risk we take, not only on discussion forums, but in real life.

Am I judgmental? Of course, I am discerning. I'm not saying I've never made mistakes. I'm not saying I'm perfect (far from it!) Trust me, if I make the same mistakes as those I judge, I'd be just as judgmental of myself as I would of others - perhaps more. At the same time, I still wonder how "you're judgmental" ever became an insult. That accusation always strikes me as a last gasp of the guilty trying to assuage their bad feelings. Usually the "you're judgmental" accusation starts to fly when the original poster is feeling picked on and just wants to stop the conversation.

So, if you're feeling picked on, say it. If you want people to stop talking about your situation, ask them to stop. If you don't think we fully understand the circumstances, tell us to back off - and we might or might not. Keep in mind, you don't have to click on the thread and see what more is written.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cookie2 

What I love ... and hate ... about discussion forums is you get all sorts of replies. Honestly, some replies I read and I think "junk - pure junk". Some I read and I think "how wise!" Take what works for you, leave the rest. When you're getting so upset about a post that you're obsessing about it away from the computer, it is time to take a break. Get advice from a variety of resources, especially real-life friends and family who know more about your situation. Keep in mind, some advice posted here may be exactly what your best friends WISH they could say to you. That's one of the blessings of discussion forums; we don't have to look into your eyes when we're saying it.
 

Another blessing of discussion forums is I count as "friends" people who are members who I have never met. Some of these people are so much like me; I feel a natural kinship with them. If we were neighbors, we'd be fast friends. Other people are so very different from me, if it weren't for this discussion forum, I'd never have had the opportunity to get to know them. That would have been a huge loss in my life. And there are some people who I have had to get to know for a very long time before I could grow to appreciate what they're writing and the advice they are giving.

 

Sadly, there are some people on discussion forums who are completely fake. They never reveal the truth about their lives. We won't ever know exactly who those people are or how many are members on the board. This is the risk we take, not only on discussion forums, but in real life.

 

Am I judgmental? Of course, I am discerning. I'm not saying I've never made mistakes. I'm not saying I'm perfect (far from it!) Trust me, if I make the same mistakes as those I judge, I'd be just as judgmental of myself as I would of others - perhaps more. At the same time, I still wonder how "you're judgmental" ever became an insult. That accusation always strikes me as a last gasp of the guilty trying to assuage their bad feelings. Usually the "you're judgmental" accusation starts to fly when the original poster is feeling picked on and just wants to stop the conversation.

 

So, if you're feeling picked on, say it. If you want people to stop talking about your situation, ask them to stop. If you don't think we fully understand the circumstances, tell us to back off - and we might or might not. Keep in mind, you don't have to click on the thread and see what more is written.

Love this. I have to agree with all said before that any opinion is a judgement, maybe not of the person but of the situation. Any opinion is given off of someone's experience and knowledge of any situation. I don't think being judgmental is bad when being asked for advice, but maybe you shouldn't be completely and utterly tactless to the point of being down right cruel.

I hope not, but I do try to give my honest opinion and or advice.  I think if someone agrees with it, it is considered supportive and helpful.  If someone does not agree with it, it might be construed as judgemental.  I do however strive not to be 'rude' in my posts.  Someone disagreeing with a post is one thing, but being offended by it is another.  I try hard not to offend anyone by my posts.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cookie2 

What I love ... and hate ... about discussion forums is you get all sorts of replies. Honestly, some replies I read and I think "junk - pure junk". Some I read and I think "how wise!" Take what works for you, leave the rest. When you're getting so upset about a post that you're obsessing about it away from the computer, it is time to take a break. Get advice from a variety of resources, especially real-life friends and family who know more about your situation. Keep in mind, some advice posted here may be exactly what your best friends WISH they could say to you. That's one of the blessings of discussion forums; we don't have to look into your eyes when we're saying it.
 

Another blessing of discussion forums is I count as "friends" people who are members who I have never met. Some of these people are so much like me; I feel a natural kinship with them. If we were neighbors, we'd be fast friends. Other people are so very different from me, if it weren't for this discussion forum, I'd never have had the opportunity to get to know them. That would have been a huge loss in my life. And there are some people who I have had to get to know for a very long time before I could grow to appreciate what they're writing and the advice they are giving.

 

Sadly, there are some people on discussion forums who are completely fake. They never reveal the truth about their lives. We won't ever know exactly who those people are or how many are members on the board. This is the risk we take, not only on discussion forums, but in real life.

 

Am I judgmental? Of course, I am discerning. I'm not saying I've never made mistakes. I'm not saying I'm perfect (far from it!) Trust me, if I make the same mistakes as those I judge, I'd be just as judgmental of myself as I would of others - perhaps more. At the same time, I still wonder how "you're judgmental" ever became an insult. That accusation always strikes me as a last gasp of the guilty trying to assuage their bad feelings. Usually the "you're judgmental" accusation starts to fly when the original poster is feeling picked on and just wants to stop the conversation.

 

So, if you're feeling picked on, say it. If you want people to stop talking about your situation, ask them to stop. If you don't think we fully understand the circumstances, tell us to back off - and we might or might not. Keep in mind, you don't have to click on the thread and see what more is written.

Love your reply.  And the advice about taking a break...well...that has been where I have been.  There was a post on here that really really got to me a few weeks back.  I didn't start it...or even comment on it....but it really bothered me how judgemental some were without ever having been in the situation themselves.  I had to step back and take that break.  My own life is nuts right now...and I just couldn't handle seeing that post pop up over and over again at the time.  Judging someone for what you THINK is going on...or what you THINK you would do in a situation is one of my biggest pet peeves.  Very rarely does anyone know the WHOLE story....and until you do, it's simply the WRONG thing to do to judge someone/something.  I'm not perfect....I make mistakes....sometimes they are little...sometimes they are big...and sometimes, I DO find myself judging...but it is something I try to be VERY careful with....because there is simply no excuse for it.

Oh make no mistake, I'm opinionated about other people's actions when it comes to moral issues! The definition of "judgmental" is to express an opinion on the actions of others when morals are involved. So yes, I am rather opinionated about abusers, sex offenders, bad parenting, and the like. I might be against abortion (I think it should be legal, I just advise against having one if there is a choice) even through I've had an abortion. Heck, I'm speaking from experience! So yes, I'm judgmental ... about actions; not the people. I'm not sitting here saying "YOU are a bad person" or "YOU are immoral". I don't see people on this board saying that either. I see people pointing out that a certain action or decision is destined to not have a favorable outcome - that, yes, we understand the "right thing to do" is also a very difficult thing to do but in the long run the outcome may be more in line with your desires. I don't think that's being judgmental but that kind of response often gets accused as being such.