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Short shorts and kids

post #1 of 12
8/5/12 at 11:04am
Thread Starter 

Ok, I am looking for some points of view on short shorts and teen girls. We insist on the fingertip rule when it comes to shorts/dresses/skirts. My 15 yr old niece who moved in with us likes the short short, up your rear, shorts. DH won't allow her to wear them. She told her mom in from of a state worker at their visit that DH not allowing her to wear them makes her feel uncomfortable, like why is he even looking. I think I could compromise on something shorter than fingertip but not as short as she wants. I personally (and dh as well) think that it is a matter of protection. Don't go offering what you aren't selling. Wearing hoochie mama clothes is asking for problems and unwanted (or wanted but inappropriate) attention. What are some other thoughts?

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post #2 of 12
8/5/12 at 12:18pm

Why is your hubby "looking"? Because he is keeping her safe!!! He'd have the same objection if she was walking around in a towel after a shower.

 

Around where we live booty-shorts are very, very common. My DD's first reaction was that they were skanky - which they are! - so she tended to wear longer Bermuda-type shorts. I mean really, some of these girls would go to school with shorty-shorts and an over-sized T-shirt so it looked like they weren't even wearing pants. Yuck!

 

However, during this summer DD has come to realize it is hot - really, really hot (and humid) here. She says short shorts are cooler. Alright maybe, but I also think she is bending a bit to peer pressure. As a result, we set some standards.

 

She has to wear underwear. If I can see her underwear - in any position: standing, sitting, squatting, walking - she can't wear them. Inseam length (crotch seam to leg hem) has to be at least 3 inches - that is the short side of a dollar bill. The leg has to be cut straight across - no high cut legs. If the shorts are cut-off, then the front pocket can't show. It the pockets show, then the shorts are too short.

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post #3 of 12
8/5/12 at 1:14pm

we have rule similar to what Cookie mentioned.  My dh is super conservative when it comes to dd so I do intervene a bit, but there are rules that she knows even I am not about the bend on.  Short shorts (with any part of her undergarments showing) are a big no, anything that is ripped to shreds (like Lindsey Lohan was wearing the other day) - we wouldn't even buy them never mind let her wear them.  shirts also can't be to skimpy, no undergarments showing etc.  What helps here is that the school does have rules also so most of the time none of her friends are in any of that stuff either.

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post #4 of 12
8/5/12 at 3:11pm
Thread Starter 

We are very conservative when it comes to dress. My niece knew this prior to coming to my house too. She could have packed her basketball shorts which would have been fine but she chose not to. We are not going to change our house rules or parenting rules because a kid got in trouble with weed and has to be at my house! Her own father doesn't approve of the short shorts or hte way she dresses but says the fight isn't worth it. I disagree. My daughter will always be worth the fight!

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post #5 of 12
8/5/12 at 4:06pm
I was lucky that my DD preferred dressing conservatively and would have considered that look skanky. She's not into skank at all. I would have let her dress more skanky than SHE wanted to. She was a VERY modest girl, particularly at that age.

I just wonder how if no one in her life thought those clothes were okay she got them? Kids can only dress as skanky as the clothes their parents buy them.
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post #6 of 12
8/5/12 at 4:50pm
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by aliadam View Post

I was lucky that my DD preferred dressing conservatively and would have considered that look skanky. She's not into skank at all. I would have let her dress more skanky than SHE wanted to. She was a VERY modest girl, particularly at that age.
I just wonder how if no one in her life thought those clothes were okay she got them? Kids can only dress as skanky as the clothes their parents buy them.

Her mom bought them. Her mom is a drug addict and the kid has had zero rules our boundaries with consequences for a year now. Dad just got custody back in June. In some ways I think Dad just doesn't think this issue is worth the fight with so much else going on. This kid is a ward of the state for starters. 

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post #7 of 12
8/5/12 at 7:57pm

My girls wear bermuda/longer style shorts.

 

When I was a teen, I bought my own short shorts and put them on at a friend's house or changed in the car. My mom never knew I wore them. I had a job and car, I bought my own clothes. There are ways to get around rules like that. You can (and should) take them away from her, but I bet she will find a way to wear what she wants. 

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post #8 of 12
8/5/12 at 9:23pm

At school, she had to comply with the length requirements for shorts, which were way longer than she was comfortable with, so she wore pants. 

At home, she wore what she wanted. 

 

I don't like the feel of Bermuda-length shorts, and I wear my shorts short, so I didn't have a problem with it. 

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post #9 of 12
8/5/12 at 9:57pm
Your house, your rules and she knew them coming in the door. I love the mulnipation she is using on your DH and the social worker and how "uncomfortable" she feels that he would even notice. rolleyes.gif No, I wouldn't compromise at all.
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post #10 of 12
8/6/12 at 4:08am

It isn't about a "fight" - although she WILL fight you on this - it is about teaching her to respect herself and get what she wants in life. I bet she never even thought about it before. This is a teaching moment. Don't expect her to come around, of course. Teen girls learn how to they should be treated by how their dad treats them. Dad needs to step-up. Dads are important. Her comment about your hubby might have some resentment behind it in that her dad never "noticed".

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