Welcome to the board. If you're looking for "normal moms", I'm afraid you've come to the wrong place - ha, ha! We'll try to be helpful anyway.
My main concern is that Stella doesn't like to be held or rocked to sleep. This might be related to her "wild child" tendencies.
I'm a late-in-life mom to our now 10-yr old DD (dear daughter). We thought we were done raising children then we received a phone call from a Child Protective Services caseworker in another state. A relative of ours had been arrested and her children were taken into care. She gave the caseworker our name as people who might take care of her children while worked out her legal troubles. We said of course we'd help out. We ended up getting custody of the baby, at the time almost 2-yrs old (the other children were split to other households).
When DD came to live with us, many parents would call her the perfect child (to a point, she had multiple issues but I won't go there now). She did her own thing, even to the point of falling asleep in her bed when she was tired. She hated to be rocked or cuddled. I found this odd. She didn't look to adults to comfort her. Oh, she'd let you hold her but I got the distinct impression that she was doing it because she knew it was expected, not because she enjoyed it.
So I started on a campaign to teach her to be comforted.
When she fell asleep at night, I'd change into shorts and a thin spaghetti strap shirt to improve skin-to-skin contact. I'd then carefully lift her out of bed and hold her in my arms while she continued to sleep. She'd sometimes wake up a bit but she was so tired there wasn't much she could do about it. She'd fall back asleep in my arms.
As she got used to this, I'd insist on holding her before bedtime. She had a hard time actually falling asleep in my arms but the time when I could hold her slowly got longer and long.
During the day, I was pretty motivated to get her to nap quickly - and stay sleeping long. I didn't go throw all this then but I'd lie down with her on my bed so we could "sleep" together. She was always a bit funny, if she let you sleep in the same bed with her, she had to keep contact with you by two points (usually she'd reach out with a hand and a foot). She didn't want me too close but she wanted to know where I was. I confess this backfired a bit because she would wake up immediately if I wasn't there (she still does) so once I was down with her, I HAD to stay.
When she was awake, I'd go through a bonding exercise. Many parents hate the idea of giving babies sugar but "sweet" is our first taste for a reason. Sugar goes directly to the brain (it is brain food! - the brain functions solely on sugar) and gives the baby a sensation of happiness and bonding. So, I'd take DD into my arms and cuddle her. Then I'd pop a small sugary candy in her mouth (she loved that!) and I'd stare into her eyes and tell her "sweet nothings". I'd say, "I love you so much", "You are wonderful", "You are precious" and anything thing else loving and affirmative I could think of. I suggest instead of "you", use her same so you would say, "I love Stella so much", etc. Like the other exercises, she could tolerate this only for short periods of time at first but the more we practiced, the better she got at it.
I eventually worked on her for naptime, too. I'd purposely time it so we'd be out running errands just before her nap. There was one store we could go to (messy stores bugged her and this one was very clean and organized). I'd plop her into a shopping cart and start to walk around. Slowly she would get tired but of course she couldn't get comfortable in a shopping cart so I'd offer my hand so she could rest her head. She objected at first and would do everything to resist using my hand. When she did eventually fall asleep, I'd just put her head in my hand and continue to walk around while she slept.
I knew we had turned a corner when I was walking around the store, she got tired, and she reached out for my hand, put her head in my hand and promptly fell asleep. Yes!
If Stella has a temper tantrum, let her have her fit but stay near her. As she calms down, start saying your sweet nothings (very, very quietly) and maybe even gently touch her or put your hand near-by. If she climbs up on your lap, cool!
Eventually, DD stopped sleeping separate from us and would sleep with us. As a matter of fact, she spent every moment with me. We woke up together and went to bed together (my husband travelled a lot during that time so she would take over his side of the bed). She'd fall asleep before me and eventually could do so by just falling asleep ON me while I watched TV.
I did go through a period where I tried to put her in her own room and let her cry it out, but I just couldn't go back on all that bonding work we had done. Still, hubby and I needed some alone time when he was home. So I'd do the slow removal technique.
Put Stella to bed and pat her back until she is asleep. Leave the room but stay near-by. When you can hear that she is stirring, wait to see if she fully wakes up. You'll know because her vocalizations will persist. At that point, go into the room, insist she get back to bed (if she got out) and put her to sleep again. I would pat her back again but not as long. Again, leave the room but be nearby. When you hear that she is back awake, go into the room and put her back to bed. This time, stay near her bed but don't touch her. Talk softly to her if you want; sing her a lullaby, then leave and stay near-by. Next time she stirs, insist she go back to bed but don't help her (i.e.: don't pick her up, try not to touch her or touch her for long). Now instead of being next to her bed, stand near the door to comfort her then leave. After that stay AT the door jam to get her back into bed and to sleep. Keep doing this when she stirs. She will eventually fall asleep and nearly stay asleep. She is still young enough that she might awaken in the middle of the night - in which case you'll have to do the slow removal technique all over again.
GOOD NEWS! If you are consistent with this technique, within a couple of weeks she will go down easily and stay in her room. Yes, you will be horribly tired and sleep deprived, but it works.
Some other time I'll post about the "battle royale" but this is enough for now.