What would you do??

My aunt told me once that when you get married it is good to move away but when it is time to have babies it is time to move home. I would want to live where my kids are. 

 

Oh, and my MIL and FIL moved to FL, away from their sons and their families. Both boys are still quite bitter about it, 10 yrs later. 

I would move.

 

I'm also in a step-family. When the "first round children" were still children we stayed in their "home state" even though their mom (the ex-w) moved them across country. There were several reasons why we stayed but one was because the home state included a lot that was familiar to them. Moving around just seemed to be sending them off with loose ends.

 

While we lived there one of the older children went off to college then came back. She ended up living with us, then near us and we adored having time with her child - one of our grandchildren. When we moved away to Idaho, she was already divorced and remained in the "home state" because she felt it was unfair to move her child away from the bio-dad. She remains there to this day and, if think, is just counting down the days until her child reaches the age of 18 so she can move out of state.

 

The other adult children are spread out all over the US. We ended up moving to a completely different state merely because hubby was laid off and we moved so he could take this job.

 

We considered a few things ...

 

~ We wanted to live in a place where IF one of the adult-children wanted to live near us they could afford it. Their career choice is important in this, too. They'll want to live where they can get a job.

 

~ We wanted to live in a place that was convenient for family to visit and us to visit them. For us, Idaho was a perfect "in-between" for us between where hubby grew up and the "home state". Plus we had friends who lived somewhat near-by, too. Mississippi, BTW, fits none of those criteria and we're feeling it.

 

~ We wanted to live in a place where we could establish a family "homestead" - vacation place for family re-unions, etc. We originally imagined living in a smaller urban house and owning a "vacation house" where we could all meet for summers and holidays. We ended up with a semi-rural house that we called "grandma and grandpa's house" because that is where the grandchildren (the cousins) gathered on summers and some school breaks. That their parents would also visit was just a bonus.

 

My dad always told me that he regretted that he didn't buy a vacation home as his kids got older. He felt it was really important to have a place where we could cement our memories. If moving would facilitate you doing that, that is what I recommend.

I say live where you want to live. Move if that is what you want to. I have never lived near my parents and I think I turned out fine

Personally, I would be just as torn.  I moved away from our families when my girls were very little--because of a job transfer.  It was harder on me than it was on them since they were little.  They do not mind having grown up away from extended family and sometimes they appreciate that they aren't that close.  Other times, they feel left out.  Because of this, I also siad I would never move away from my children.  Dh is always talking about retiring and moving back East.  But I would not want to do that.  So far, my girls seem to be settling where they went to college, about 2 hours away, which is a nice distance.

 

Some things to consider.  How will your 6 year old feel not being near her siblings?  Will she have a lot of cousins her own age that she will see frequently if you move?  Will you be happy?

 

This is such a personal decision.  Since I have lived away from my extended family for almost 20 years, I would choose to stay where my girls are, even if I had a younger one.

Are the school districts comparable? I wouldn't move to just be closer to family if the education system was not as good as the current one. 

I think no one can say what is good for another person in a situation like this. For ME, I would NOT move away. My children grew up here and have many, many friends here. I want them to have a "home" with memories and a place they can come back to and see friends as well. As to family......I think there are certainly positives to that, but I think that often doesn't work out as well as people expect. The grandparents might not be so involved as expected, they might hate the cousins, etc. I agree with the person who said that KIDS move away, not parents. I can certainly see my DD moving away....I'd be very surprised if she ended up here..... but I like being here where she can come home to see not only us, but her friends she grew up with.

My DD has a friend who had parents who moved away while she was in college. My DD and I were just discussing her yesterday. Her parents moved to be near their other DD who had a baby. The friend of DD just graduated college and had no idea where to go. Here? Where she has friends but no family? To her parents new home? Where all she'll know is her parents and her sister and her sister's family? She ended up moving to be by her parent's new home and found a job, but I don't think she's very happy about that. Where would your older kids go on college breaks? To where their dad lives and I assume they still have friends? Or where you are and they know no one except for family?

Another question.....how far away are you talking about moving? I know my kids are in college but we still frequently see them. I wouldn't want to be so far away that I couldn't get to them if they were hurt or needed us. We like going to visit them and taking them to dinner or delivering a care package. So I'm not sure how that would factor into it. I know MANY people think once kids are 18 they're on their own. But as a parent of two kids older than that....I don't feel like that at all. Yes, they're legal, but I still feel like their parent if you know what I mean.

Now if my DH had gotten a job with a huge raise or we HAD to move for some reason, obviously I would have, but I wouldn't have moved just to be near extended family....but again that's just me. Obviously you have to weigh all the factors, which as you said, we don't know all of them.

I would consider how often you could still see your older children (how far away is it?).  And is your family and your husband's family in the same place, or would you still have to choose between them? And is the new state a place you would even want to live, all things considering?

 

That said, based only on the facts you already gave, I would move.  Your other children are older and getting ready to move on with their lives.  Your 6 yo might enjoy being near family.

 

This is VERY important to consider.  It would suck to move somewhere based on family expectations only to have those expectations not met.  Been there, done that, moved back to California.

Do what you feel is right for you and your family.

 

(personally I would move)