Dealing with Irritable Teen Girls - Advice Needed

She is truly being affected by powerful hormones - steroids - that affect how her brain operates. Think of all those body builders who take steroids and become violent or people on high doses of prednisone who go into a drug-induced psychosis. Yeah, it is that same effect.

So while you and her are viewing reality - a blue sky - you're both looking at it much differently. She not only sees a light blue sky, she sees your comment about the sky that differs from hers as a threat. Everything feels critical to her because in her mind everything IS critical. She is back to being that 2-yr old who was "bleeding to death" when she fell and scratched her knee.

Part of dealing with her is her recognizing what is happening in her own body and mind. She would benefit from understanding physiology of what is happening within her body - not just the menstruation part, but the hormones part.

She also needs to know that you're going to be there as a "reality check". So when she bites your head off for saying the sky is "blue", not light blue, then you're going to remind her that she needs to quell that urge to be so witchy-with-a-capital-B.

She will practice self-calming techniques (breathing, retreat to a quiet place, etc) in order to modify her behavior despite her feelings. She might feel like she wants to run, run, run or hit something, but in order to function in society she will calm herself and do what it right like listen in class or put away the clean dishes without breaking them.

Notice how much of what they are going through is like dealing with the terrible twos all over again. Yes, they are having temper tantrums. It is the same growth hormone effect! This is why I get on parents to set that baseline of expectations when they have preschoolers. All those same issues come up again when they are teens and pre-teens but this time around you can't just whack them on the fanny or pick them up and force them to stand in the corner.
 

~ Understanding

~ Self-calming

~ Separate how one feels from what one does

~ Don't give into the fight or flight response (because hitting pillows just cements that brain's pathway to make her want to hit pillows more)

~ Exercise, exercise, exercise (when she needs to get it out, she should go for a long run.)

Vodka - for you, not her.

Seriously, though, M'ija had horrible PMS and it improved greatly when she went on the pill.

My parents had me on the pill in high school for that very reason. My friend has been giving her dd midol or a similar OTC pms med since before she actually started her period. After charting for a few months it became apparent that the pms was happening in a huge way before the menstrating actually did. 

I just had to learn not to take it personal.  If they crossed the line and said something offensive or were disrespectful, I would calmly point this out.  Most of the time, I would just walk away so that I wouldn't get caught in their moods or listen to their negative remarks.  It's hard.  Both N and R still get like this.  N realizes it and will apologize.  R just tells me it is her nature to be sarcastic.  I don't think she realizes that her sarcastic remarks will drive people away...mostly because it's hard to tell when she is sarcastic.

Prozac........for whomever needs it! lol

patience for you.( or vodka).

chocolate for her( and maybe you too).

DS actually keeps chocolate in his room and when DD starts PMS'ing...he gives it to her and closes his door.

Quote:

Originally Posted by weezie 

patience for you.( or vodka).

 

chocolate for her( and maybe you too).

 

DS actually keeps chocolate in his room and when DD starts PMS'ing...he gives it to her and closes his door.

too funny! LOL

The only thing that work with dd is to ignore her.

I never argue with her, because that is what she wanted.

Quote:

Originally Posted by weezie 

DS actually keeps chocolate in his room and when DD starts PMS'ing...he gives it to her and closes his door.

That is one smart brother!

Quote:

Originally Posted by ruthie 

The only thing that work with dd is to ignore her.

 

I never argue with her, because that is what she wanted.

I don't have a teenage daughter, but I was one once.  I tell you, ignoring me was best for everyone.