how to tame a sassy, smart mouth

Not well.  I'll be following this thread to get pointers for myself...

At this age the discipline that worked for me was to send them to the corner where they had to stand 1 minutes for every year old they are. Three year old stay in the corner for 3 minutes. 

 

Respect is big in my house. Calling someone stupid is NOT tolerated, never has never will be. My girls have always known they can disagree with me, but they have to speak with respect. Be consistent  in correcting the behavior. Correct the behavior right then an there and get at eye level. Firm No that kind of language is not tolerated and send them to the corner. The clock starts when they are not arguing about their punishment and they can't turn around. 

We call it good choices and bad choices. When Ds becomes a smarty pants, I get up and walk away from him and I tell him he hurt my feelings. I tell him he made a bad choice in his words and Mom does not like being talked to like that. Usually he runs up to me and says he is sorry. Then that opens the way for what some good choices would of been.

I am not sure if you can completely tame one of those ... of course, I am not sure if I want to completely tame it either. Both DH and I are sarcastic people, is it any surprised that both of our children are too? That said, they do need to learn there is appropriate times for sarcasm. For example getting mouthy with the person who is judging your chickens, not good. Getting mouthy with your daddy when he is talking about your poor behavior, not good either.

This is not good - not the dismissing him to his room, not the power struggle, not the "tapping" him on the mouth, not even the tossing articles at the child. Seriously, I think the last time I "tossed" anything at my child, we were outside practicing for softball. I guess we don't throw things in our family.

 

Your son is very young and I'd nip this behavior in the bud. I know you're busy with lots of kids in the house, but your son deserves your time and attention now so you (and everyone else) doesn't have to deal with his behavior later.

 

When he speaks rudely, pause and get on his level. Tell him calmly and quietly that you can't hear him when he uses that tone. Inform him that if you were to ask you nicely, you'll consider his request. If he fails to speak nicely, ignore him. Remember, you can't hear him.

 

Every episode, remind him that you can't hear him and give him a second chance. Once he starts to take his second chance, stop reminding him. Simply act like you can't hear him.

 

Yes, let him have a temper tantrum. Feel free to let him know that he seems tired and perhaps he would benefit from a nap. Continue to act loving. He can't control your mood.

 

When he does speak with you nicely, be all sweet and attentive.

 

When it comes to his not listening to you, that is when you do a "battle royale" which I have described in other threads. Let me know if you want me to repeat.

Oh, I didn't realize you were dealing with name calling. I have mouthy children but they must still be respectful. You say most desipline results in a power struggle ... Then you need to start that power struggle and finish it, even at the expense of a fit. I have had power struggles with both my kids. With DD, I nipped it in the bud but she was an only child then and it was easier. With DS, there were two kids, and it was harder. I was more distracted and I didn't have the time to take out of my day to work our issues through. But still, getting them young, is still easier than getting them as they age.

Where is he learning that language? Stupid is my house is a bad word and I know every house is different. But he is learning these words and he is learning to direct them at people. Even the few times my kids have slipped on that word, it always is directed at something, not someone. They are learning to use these words from someone. You? DH? The TV? Your extra kids? I don't know. But I will tell you, when I have a new kid appear, the first thing I explain to them is to watch their language. Yes, they are teens and I expect them to speak like teens but, in my house, I have two younger children and no, I don't need them speaking like that. 99% of time the teens are very respectful of that.

You are busy with other people's children, you have made it perfectly clear that this is something you have decided to do and that you are not going to change that. Even still, you need to find time for your own children. Is it possible that he is getting overlooked in the shuffle?

M'ija had a smart mouth, and I know exactly where she got it from. When she smarted off to me, I just fired right back at her. 

I don't mind voicing opinions, sarcasm, questioning, etc. However, I will not tolerate disrespect (nor do I speak to my kids disrespectfully). There's a difference between being a smart ass and being a brat, the first is fine and the latter is punished. If she's speaking to you disrespectfully I'm guessing she really doesn't view being separated from you and being told to go to her room as a punishment, hell, I loved being sent to my room growing up. I'd be going after privileges, making her help you with things, and keeping her attached right to everyones' hips.

 

ETA: I just realized you're talking about your son, not your daughter (I obviously didn't read the subsequent responses). Bad assumption on my part. Isn't your son 3 or 4?! This is absolutely behavior he is mimicking and learned from someone else. I'd give the whole family a once over and make an effort on your part, hubby's part, dd's part, whomever it is that is engaging in this behavior that it is NOT ok and that it will NOT be tolerated. There is no excuse or reason to treat others with disrespect, especially when it's young children that are involved.

Edited by Karen1985 - 8/23/12 at 6:15am