wwyd? - Page 2

I agree - rude.

I HAVE told working parents with children who are friends of my DD, that if their child wants to sign up for the same activity, then I'll run carpool. However, for her to just assume - especially when you know they tend to do this - is just rude. Frankly, I'd be more direct. If she either signs up her child assuming I'd run carpool or finds out later that I signed up my child but didn't mention it to her then asks me about it, I'd say, "Oh, but you didn't ask me if I'd drive."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy 

This was the same family that piggybacked their son's birthday "party" when we invited them over for a cookout that I wrote about in a previous post.  Oh wanted to add that in my first post when I read it, it seemed like I mentioned it to her and said, Oh your dd would like this.  I CAN see that as being somehow construed as "If you sign your dd up I could take both".  But I didn't.  I just mentioned it in passing that ds took the class.  She was the one to even say, "Since you'll be going that way anyway".   They have other kids and I know it's been a huge juggling act for her to work during the summer but that's sort of the way it goes.

Wow. This family is just rude and odd. 

 I would be very put off by her assuming I would just do the driving. So rude. Honestly, to avoid conflict I probably wouldn't bring it up again. If she did then I would tell her I couldn't do it because I booked other things during that time as well as the class. 

Do you yet know her well enough that you could ask her about the assumption that you'd do carpool? I know in the past, I have appreciated when a friend has "called me out" on some of my behavior. Your line about "did that just happen?" hit home with me. I had a friend tell me once that I am generally a nice person but sometimes I'll make an odd comment that can strike people as very rude. I know I have this problem - my brain runs forward in odd directions and I tend to silently skip several steps ahead when I next open my mouth - leading to a lot of confusion and hurt feelings.

I really appreciate that my friend talked to me about this. It gave me a chance to clear the air with her. I asked her to please assume my intentions are entirely innocent if I come up with something incredibly stupid in the future. I'm lucky to have her as a friend.

I know this is hard to do early in a friendship but this lady now sounds like someone you have so much in common with and maybe she could end up having a deeper friendship with you. Maybe if you start the conversation with, "We have so much in common and I really like you. I want to ask you about a conversation we had a few days ago because I'm confused."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Stormy 

That is the incredibly odd thing - We see eye to eye on SO many things, raise our children the same way, she has very well behaved polite children that get treated very respectfully from their parents, etc.  It's just so hard to figure out!  Something that is almost universally a no-no (piggybacking off of someone's party; assuming if you are going that way, you can take their kids) if it were anything else we'd Both be shaking our heads trying to figure it out!  I want to stay on good terms with this woman, she is a very nice, caring person.  It's just small things like this that have me scratching my head and thinking "did that just happen or not?!"  

does she think that you are better friends then what you are?  closer I mean...

I have a friend in FL that I am very close to and if she said something like that to me, "here's a course that dd would like, ds is going to"  I would semi assume that we would share/work out the drive time etc.... just because we are close friends and that is what we do.  So just saying that maybe she thinks your friendship is on a higher level than what it is?

I think what I'd do is call this woman and say something like "Hey, I'm going to sign up for that class tomorrow and I just remembered that you asked me to sign your daughter up too.  I know you mentioned you hoped I could drive but I'm not going to be able to do that.  Did you still want me to sign her up?" 

If the mom says yes, and there are fees involved you can say something like "oh ok, so should I tell them you'll be dropping off a check later this week?" 

I don't think you have to give any explanation why you can't drive but if she asks you can just say that while you don't mind helping out once in a while if your friend has a conflict, you can't commit to doing it for each class.  You don't need to explain yourself any further than that.  But if that seems too blunt you can soften it a bit by throwing in there that you have a lot going on in the next few months.  It makes it clear that the mom is responsible for her own kid, and that if she NEEDS you to drive, she should check with you first. 

This way, her daughter doesn't miss out on the class.  If you don't say anything and the mom assumes you've signed her up, the deadline might pass and the child might not be able to enroll.  By saying something you assert yourself and hopefully nip any future issues in the bud while not punishing the child for her mom's very odd behavior. 

Also, I think sometimes it's all in the tone.  Since you said you like this woman, I'd just keep it easy breezy--very light.  As long as you don't sound put out or irritated, it should go over fine. 

Quote:

Originally Posted by calimari 

I simply would have said AT THE TIME something along the lines of "I'll let you know if he takes a class in the fall, but I wouldn't be able to drive carpool. I generally combine the trip with all sorts of errands."

 

Then, it would have been clear right up front.

Agreed. If someone has something to say then they should just say it, then everyone is on the same page and knows what is going on. I certainly wouldn't lie after the fact though or 'pretend' it didn't come up. Sign your ds up, if she asks about it say that you don't want to be responsible for chauffering her child, plain and simple.