*Sigh* I feel for you...I really do! I'm not sure if any advice from me will be worth it because I'm still trying to pick my battles with my 14 YO and I'm not always sure they're the right ones.
My 12 YO is going through his hormonal stages, but he's a laid-back, non-confrontational kid to begin with, THANKFULLY!
I agree, you have to be on top of it, and early, or those behaviors become almost more habit than hormones, it seems.
I know with Adam it helps for me to keep in good humor. With that said, I stay away from patronizing him into a good mood. When he's acting overbearing and king-of-the-castle, I just don't deal with him, send him to his room away from me for diffusion, and tell him why. But the minute he turns his behavior around, we're back to normal, and nothing else is said. I don't know if that's the right way to handle it or not, but I know if I didn't do it that way, it would simply turn into a test of wills, which nothing good would come of (the both of us could argue down a brick wall if we tried!). The reason I don't bring it up again once he's over his issue is that I can tell he's embarrassed of his own behavior and I don't see that it's necessary to make it worse. Again, not sure if that's the best thing to do, and it doesn't always work! But it's the most consistant in turning *this particular kid* around. Other than that, a great deal of empathy helps, as hard as it can be to find it. Finding a balance between being steamrolled and exerting authority is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and still haven't figured it all out.
Some days I feel like I can nothing right.