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10 year old with attitude!

post #1 of 25
Thread Starter 
My ten year old ds suddenly thinks the entire world revolves around him. I do not know what to do with him. He complains when we do things as a family he does not want to do, or we chose a restaurant that is not his favorite. He seems to be carrying a chip on his shoulder. When I try to talk to him about it he gets annoyed and just says " I don't know" to everything I ask. It is really starting to affect the entire family. This has been going on for a month or so. We are going to Disney this summer and I almost want to cancel the trip becasue he will complain about everything, and I don't know what to do if he does. Any advice or words of wisdom would be appreciated.
post #2 of 25
Welcome to puberty It is not only girls that get moody and hormonal. Accept some of the moodiness but nip it in the bud when it is in an inappropriate place.

Jen
post #3 of 25
*Sigh* I feel for you...I really do! I'm not sure if any advice from me will be worth it because I'm still trying to pick my battles with my 14 YO and I'm not always sure they're the right ones. My 12 YO is going through his hormonal stages, but he's a laid-back, non-confrontational kid to begin with, THANKFULLY!

I agree, you have to be on top of it, and early, or those behaviors become almost more habit than hormones, it seems.

I know with Adam it helps for me to keep in good humor. With that said, I stay away from patronizing him into a good mood. When he's acting overbearing and king-of-the-castle, I just don't deal with him, send him to his room away from me for diffusion, and tell him why. But the minute he turns his behavior around, we're back to normal, and nothing else is said. I don't know if that's the right way to handle it or not, but I know if I didn't do it that way, it would simply turn into a test of wills, which nothing good would come of (the both of us could argue down a brick wall if we tried!). The reason I don't bring it up again once he's over his issue is that I can tell he's embarrassed of his own behavior and I don't see that it's necessary to make it worse. Again, not sure if that's the best thing to do, and it doesn't always work! But it's the most consistant in turning *this particular kid* around. Other than that, a great deal of empathy helps, as hard as it can be to find it. Finding a balance between being steamrolled and exerting authority is one of the hardest things I've ever had to do, and still haven't figured it all out. Some days I feel like I can nothing right.
post #4 of 25
Oh, I am right there with you, but with a daughter. She can be hateful one minute, loving the next, and then crying two minutes later and then end up laughing. I agree with others that you have to address the problems sooner than later. Don't cancel the Disney trip. Give him the option before the trip that he can either go and enjoy it or you can find a relative for him to stay with (make it a boring relative so that he will not choose them). I have also found that humor does help. If that doesn't work then solitary confinement for 15 minutes sure helps!! Also, grounding from playing with friends, using the phone, or playing Nintendo DS works. Good luck and as I told my dh--it will get worse before it gets better!

Also, I had a very wise teacher/mom tell me that this age is when they start wanting to show that they are capable of some independence. That is not a bad thing either. It just shows that they are growing up and we want them to eventually learn to be able to be completely independent of us. But for right now, we need to allow some independence but still be there to make sure the right decisions are made and the correct directions are followed.
post #5 of 25
I do think you need to get it under control. Encourage him to talk about how he feels, but respectfully. Show him how to get his ideas across. If he is unhappy with something, have him contribute a constructive idea to make it better. I remember young in my career I was taught that if I didn't like something and wanted to complain to the boss, to have an idea on how to fix the situation. It got me places! (Usually in charge of the committee to make the changes - not always good!) I learned when to pick my battles and he does need to learn that, too, and learn when to just roll w/the punches.

But do lay ground rules. No whining, no complaining. Sometimes things need to be voiced in private. And teach him how to do it respectfully, without irritating others. Try to help him get into a positive frame of mind. When we feel negative, EVERYTHING seems negative. He may be testing new ground as he gets older. Help him do it while finding the guidelines. Kids need limits, but let him know you will listen - you may not change things, but you will listen to his point of view. You're still the decision maker, but will take his feelings into account.
post #6 of 25
OMG...I'm Really NOT Alone!! I thought there was no hope for me and my 10 year old daughter. For about 4 months now, we have been at each other. I love her to death, but somedays, our battles make it hard to like her. I feel so horrible saying that, but it's the truth. I find myself crying and praying, wondering what I am doing wrong. My husband constantly reassures me that the problem is simply that we are two peas in a pod. I am waiting for the day when these two peas squash all the foolishness. She wants to be so grown and thinks that she knows best. She gets the ugliest attitude for the stupidest things. As for humor, we are simply a silly crew, but sometimes, she doesn't even get in on the fun. It's like she purposely does things to frustrate others or acquire attention. I have tried everything with her. I take her shopping, I try hanging out with her, I even went to her school to have lunch with her. I make it a point to always tell her to make herself proud and to see her off to school in the morning. I help her with any homework and studying she has no matter how tired I am and how draining it may be. She doesn't push herself to do her best like she used to and her lack is putting a major strain on my husband and myself. I'm just glad I am not alone, though my issues seem so much more serious. Is there any end to this madness? I was thinking of having her tested for psychological or mental issues, but I am praying this sight will help me to understand.
post #7 of 25
OMG...I'm Really NOT Alone!! I thought there was no hope for me and my 10 year old daughter. For about 4 months now, we have been at each other. I love her to death, but somedays, our battles make it hard to like her. I feel so horrible saying that, but it's the truth. I find myself crying and praying, wondering what I am doing wrong. My husband constantly reassures me that the problem is simply that we are two peas in a pod. I am waiting for the day when these two peas squash all the foolishness. She wants to be so grown and thinks that she knows best. She gets the ugliest attitude for the stupidest things. As for humor, we are simply a silly crew, but sometimes, she doesn't even get in on the fun. It's like she purposely does things to frustrate others or acquire attention. I have tried everything with her. I take her shopping, I try hanging out with her, I even went to her school to have lunch with her. I make it a point to always tell her to make herself proud and to see her off to school in the morning. I help her with any homework and studying she has no matter how tired I am and how draining it may be. She doesn't push herself to do her best like she used to and her lack is putting a major strain on my husband and myself. I'm just glad I am not alone, though my issues seem so much more serious. Is there any end to this madness? I was thinking of having her tested for psychological or mental issues, but I am praying this sight will help me to understand.
post #8 of 25
Welcome to the club. Ive got 2 girls that are almost 12 and this started about 2 years ago - some days I dont even know who they are. All I can say (once you get over this initial shock) is to pick your battles. Yes they can be cranky, yes they say "i dont know" alot (huge pet peeve of mine) -- but in their defense -- Ive come to realize that I honestly believe that they do NOT know why they are cranky. They dont understand the whole hormone thing and they dont understand why they are moody, touchy, sensitive - whatever you want to call it. Guide them as much as you can. Let them "have a moment" and definetly pick your battles. If its nothing earth shattering, roll your eyes when he isnt looking, give yourself a mental headslap and walk away. :-)
post #9 of 25
Oh yeah, I'm right there with you with my 9 year old DS. He's got the eye roll downpat now. He whines, complains, total drama, drama, drama! One minute he's being helpful and sweet, then he switches faster than a women with PMS to the rotten kid!
post #10 of 25
My ds (10) has started this type behavior too. I've always heard that boys are much easier than girls in the teen years.. hopefully, his 'tude will pass quickly!
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