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What to do.... ungrateful nieces and nephews ? - Page 2

post #11 of 32
I think I would just keep doing whta you are doing they are NEVER going to be greatful!!
and keep teaching your children the way you are!!!
post #12 of 32
I would make them presents or do the donations in their names to a children's shelter since they don't appreciate anything you try to get them. No need to stress if they are never happy with what they get. It's a shame the parents don't discourage the behavior. If my kids did that we would take those gifts and many others they get to a charity so they get the point to be happy with what they have. My mom tells me that is mean but I'd rather teach them than let them grow up ungateful people.
post #13 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by mommy&wifeisme View Post

Unfortunately this problem is with the parents. I would be so ambarassed if my children acted this way after opening someones gift.
Anywho, I personally would either group the family kids together and buy one nice family gift.

I agree with this. If they are rude enough to say something, you can say, "You never seemed happy with our gifts before, so we didn't want to disappoint you again. This way your entire family can enjoy." A nice dinner gift card to a restaurant or even a pizza gift certificate is cheaper for you!!
post #14 of 32
I wouldn't do $25 each. I would max it at $20 at the highest. And if they are that ungrateful, I wouldn't hesitate to give a donation to an organization in their name-like a children's shelter or hospital. If you really want to give a present buy a magazine subscription for them from a place like best deal magazines (which ms always has coupons for) or delta magazines. You can get one for less than $5 but it retails much higher. Or get a book for each one.

I give magazines and books to most, $20 cash to the teens.
post #15 of 32
Well, it sounds like it is your dh's side of the family, so I can see his point to avoid conflict. How would the grandparents feel if you did the donations? Would they be hurt? Sometimes they are and if that is the case, I would probably continue doing what you are doing or get a family gift. That isn't what I would WANT to do, but that is what I would do.

If the grandparents don't care and your dh doesn't care what his siblings think, I would do the donation in a heartbeat!
post #16 of 32
What would I REALLY do? I'd stop giving them a gift. I'm not kidding. If you do decide to go ahead and do something this year make a point to say "YOUR WELCOME." even if they don't say thank you.

I think a donation in their name to a Children's Charity is a great idea too...maybe they'll learn a few things and realize just how lucky THEY are.

I'm sorry but a gift at Christmas is from your heart...not b/c they're family and it's "required".

Good luck!
post #17 of 32
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Claire View Post

That isn't what I would WANT to do, but that is what I would do.

You are right. It is his side of the family.

The siblings always seem a bit embarrassed that their kids act that way, and the siblings themselves say thank-you. I think they realize their kids have too much (ski trips to Europe, nannies, every game system there is, more toys than they know what to do with, etc) but they don't seem to know how to make them grateful. And I'm not about to tell them it's by not giving them everything they want.
post #18 of 32
Pushing true gratefulness aside, they should at least teach them manners. My daughter is 2 and she and her brother know enough to say Thank You. Maybe they can embarrass them into saying Thank you if they remind them in front of you...
post #19 of 32
I just typed out a response that was so long it logged me off before I could post it! This is a sore spot with me as well....

I love the idea of a family gift! That is great. And I bet you would come out cheaper. It sounds like money is no object, so I would steer away from gift cards with dollar amounts on them. If you are not at the point that you can just stop exchanging gifts, find something fun that the whole family can enjoy (like a fondue pot or a movie gift basket with yummy treats and a few DVDs in it) and wrap it up and call it a day.

A few years ago when my sister had her third child and we still only had one child I was feeling a little bummed that I was expected to spend $50 on each of her children and she only had to spend it on one of mine. Her husband is a surgeon and makes three times what mine does and they throw money around like nobody's business. They have so much that she would dictate to me exactly what to get them so I wouldn't give them something they already had. I got annoyed enough to talk to her about it and suggest that from now on, we just give each other's children books for birthdays and holidays (I was a teacher too). Surprisingly, she agreed. She still tells me WHICH books to buy but at least I come out a little cheaper than I used to, and I know they will be used. Now that her oldest is in 4th grade I have started giving her a $25 gift card to the bookstore so she can choose her own books.

I wish I could get the nerve up to suggest the same thing with dh's side of the family. They give my oldest son a present with no thought put into it whatsoever and they have given my youngest NOTHING since he was born. Nothing!!! I think it is so rude. How can you make the effort to box something up for one child and ignore the other one?! Last year they gave my 6 year old son a framed picture of the family from the beach vacation the year before. Hmmm, just what every six year old wants! The year before that they gave him a flimsy paperback book about Valentines Day that still had the $1 price tag on it. My SIL is a very successful trial attorney and my BIL makes a good living in the financial world, so it isn't like they can't afford it. Yet I go above and beyond for their 2 kids and have never received a single thank you from them (they live 4 hours away and we don't see them on their birthdays or Christmas). Last year I gave them personalized stationary - subtle, aren't I - and I STILL didn't get a thank you note from them!

I remember when I was growing up that when we became teenagers we stopped exchanging gifts with cousins. I don't see that happening in my generation, but I wish it would.
post #20 of 32
Quote:
Originally Posted by maggie View Post

I wish I could get the nerve up to suggest the same thing with dh's side of the family. They give my oldest son a present with no thought put into it whatsoever and they have given my youngest NOTHING since he was born. Nothing!!! I think it is so rude. How can you make the effort to box something up for one child and ignore the other one?! Last year they gave my 6 year old son a framed picture of the family from the beach vacation the year before. Hmmm, just what every six year old wants! The year before that they gave him a flimsy paperback book about Valentines Day that still had the $1 price tag on it. My SIL is a very successful trial attorney and my BIL makes a good living in the financial world, so it isn't like they can't afford it. Yet I go above and beyond for their 2 kids and have never received a single thank you from them (they live 4 hours away and we don't see them on their birthdays or Christmas). Last year I gave them personalized stationary - subtle, aren't I - and I STILL didn't get a thank you note from them!

WOW - that's pretty bad - A V-day book for Christmas with the $1 sticker still attached??? I can't believe they leave out your other child - that's HORRIBLE!

I thought my dealing with the ADULT IL's not liking what we give them was bad! My SIL asked my MIL what she wanted last year and she said "I'll probably just get another picture of the grandkids, so what does it matter!" Yep, this is one grandma that will NEVER again be getting pictures of our boys and my SIL son again if that's how she feels about it!

I've gotten to the point where I don't stress over it anymore! My MIL told us EXACTLY what kind of perfume to get her a couple of years ago, we got it, and later found out she complained to my SIL that we got her the wrong one! This is crazy - for a grown woman - a grandma no less - to be wining about her gifts! My DH decided to get her an Ipod for Mother's day last year! I think he was REALLY trying to please her! SIL was going to pay for half but never did! I really think she enjoyed it but was mad about something else a few days later! I think he's finally come to the conclusion with me that we'll get her something and call it good! Not pictures of course, but something, and just not stress over it! She's not gonna be happy either way so what's the point! (as you can tell it's a sore spot for me too!)

Anyway, Kathryn, what would I do?? Group gift or $25 gift card and then forget about it! Just go in KNOWING they won't say thank you!
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