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How do you deal with sassiness/disrespect?

post #1 of 27
1/23/08 at 6:50am
Thread Starter 
We have noticed our 2nd grade daughter is having some issues with sassiness and talking back, or not doing something immediately when we tell her to. We take this as a sign of disrespect, and want to nip it in the bud. We want to come up with some sort of consequence when she acts this way, but aren't sure what to do. What do you do when this happens? I'm searching for creative solutions.
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post #2 of 27
1/23/08 at 6:52am
I just say "you will not speak to me in that manner" and typically my kids put their head down and say they're sorry and that's it. Sometimes they've needed to leave the room til they could speak respectfully. That's what works for us...
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post #3 of 27
1/23/08 at 6:57am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Oregano View Post

I just say "you will not speak to me in that manner" and typically my kids put their head down and say they're sorry and that's it. Sometimes they've needed to leave the room til they could speak respectfully. That's what works for us...

This is what we do too.

My oldest (2nd grade) has been pretty bossy to my little guy lately too. I wonder if it's just the age. I'm seeing a lot of post about the second graders lately.
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post #4 of 27
1/23/08 at 7:26am
OOOH, great thread. We are dealing with the same thing with our 1st grade DD. We used to count and do time out when they were younger--still do if they get really out of control. Anyway, I told DD Monday that she had to stop talking back and it started into a real back and forth argument "I didn't talk back, etc." So what I did the next time she did it I said "That's what I mean by talking back. Today is your learning day. Starting tomorrow I'm going to count when you talk back and you'll have to go to your room if you get to three." I also told her that the count would go on all day, not just for a short amount of time. So, not sure long haul how it will work, but yesterday was better. She also told me that she talked back to her teacher yesterday but then said she was only joking--which I'm sure she was. She's an angel at school. So I feel like she honestly didn't understand what she was doing. Kind of like she assumed it was okay to question everything we ask her to do and to have a comment for every request we made of her.
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post #5 of 27
1/23/08 at 7:48am
I'll be paying attention to this thread. My 6yo is having this issue also. Everytime I tell him something he says, "Well, (insert excuse here)." He tries to justify everything and it's really starting to piss me off. I give him timeouts but they don't seem to be having much effect. I also try to explain that he is the child and I am the parent and he needs to listen to me. Sigh, I'm not thrilled with this stage. Hopefully he'll get it soon.
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post #6 of 27
1/23/08 at 8:04am
Quote:
Originally Posted by carlitasway View Post

I'll be paying attention to this thread. My 6yo is having this issue also. Everytime I tell him something he says, "Well, (insert excuse here)." He tries to justify everything and it's really starting to piss me off. I give him timeouts but they don't seem to be having much effect. I also try to explain that he is the child and I am the parent and he needs to listen to me. Sigh, I'm not thrilled with this stage. Hopefully he'll get it soon.


This is me EXACTLY!!! It drives me batty and I can't figure out why/or where this came from. I can't remember my older DS going through this stage. I am wondering if it has something to do with being a second child/younger sibling? I hate disrespect and will not tolerate it - they both know that. Older DS is fine and follows the rules, all-around good listener. 2nd DS has always been one to "push the envelope" more. He has become an expert at rollling his eyes when I ask hm to do something followed by a million excuses. I have taken away special toys and other perks, but it doesn't seem to help. I don't have an answer, but hope someone here does....


Edit to add: At least he does this at home only - I hear no reports of this from others...
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post #7 of 27
1/23/08 at 8:20am
Good question. I have a 2nd grader too so I know what you mean! What is it about this stage?

I'll preface this my saying 99% of the time I am a very gentle soft spoken person. I almost never yell at my kids (unless they are in immediate danger). But with this one issue I get on them hard and fast, and it seems to work.

When dd was sassy about something, I said loudly (but not yelling) and firmly, looking her straight in the eye, "Don't you ever speak to me like that again! Now go to your room until I'm ready to talk to you." She was shocked that I was so angry and so firm (and not gentle) about it.

When I called her back down (after I had calmed down) I explained that in our family we don't talk that way to each other. I don't talk that way to her and I deserve respect and won't tolerate being spoken to that way.

Now, when she gets that look like she's about to get sassy, just give her 'the look' and she usually backs right down. I think it scared her seeing that side of me.
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post #8 of 27
1/23/08 at 4:00pm
Oh, we take something that they absolutely love away from them. When they turn the behavior around, they will get it back. Seems to work like a charm.
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post #9 of 27
1/23/08 at 5:09pm
Back-talking is the one "kid trait" that I CANNOT tolerate. And I love kids and generally will put up with their nonsense.

DS 9 is starting this and I tell him not to speak to me like that. Usually I can give " the look" and they stop and apologize. I am laid back - so "the look" means business!
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post #10 of 27
1/23/08 at 5:57pm
Quote:
Originally Posted by peacemaker View Post

Oh, we take something that they absolutely love away from them. When they turn the behavior around, they will get it back. Seems to work like a charm.

We do the same. For ours it is time on the computer. One day without that works wonders
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Mommysavers › Forums › General Discussion › Family Matters › How do you deal with sassiness/disrespect?