My heart is breaking. - Page 11

lisa.

big sister talk coming here so im not gonna sugar coat anything cause thats not who i am.

i grew up in a house where my mom loved my dad unconditionally. and he took advantage of that love and devotion and when i think back at my childhood, i only remember her literally begging for his conversation, attention, love and respect. He gave none of it and yet year after year she gave more and more of herself to him for nothing. he fooled around on her most of the time and when she finally (after years of turning a blind eye) got a P.I. to follow him (by our insistance) she served him papers. Ya know what? he couldnt care less, never said another word to her (or to us) and never looked back. Its now 14 yrs later and no one has yet to hear from him - he has never apologized, took responsiblity or gave any pieces of gratitude to my mother who raised 7 children and gave her life to him.

i grew up thinking - as i do today - that i will NOT be my mother. so sad really...by staying and giving her spirit away to him, she taught us kids that its ok to let someone treat you like crap.

Lisa - i know your head is spinning right now. i just wanted to say this. no love in the world is gonna make him do what you want him to do. no amount of love will steer him to think of his family instead of himself. you cant keep devoting your life "in hopes of" him coming around and walking up to you saying "ive been an ass, please let me back into your life...i'll treat you like the queen you are" he is living his life for himself and you and the kids are a far, far second. i think he kinda likes his set up right now - you and the kids are 3 hrs away and he is living a single mans' life now. I suspect that he could come home each break but really doesnt feel like it.

we teach people how to treat us. please, im begging you to show your children that their mother is a force to be reckoned with and not a doormat. teach your girls that women do not *need* a man for their survival. you would not wish this type of treatment for your girls when they are older, so please dont give them the front row view that its ok for you, but for them not to accept crap like that.

time to change that heart broken gal into the angel like warrior that is buried deep inside of you. no Knight in Shining Armor is going to scoop you up and save you - you need to be your kids hero and save yourself. Dont let him dictate your worth, happiness and measure as a woman.

Lisa, I have been out of town for a couple of days and just now saw your posting. Everyone has given you terrific advice and loving support. Please know we love you, you are an amazing woman and mother, and, that most importantly, you deserve so much better. Please, please do not move out of your father's home before the final decisions are made. You are in a prime place to do better for yourself, to have someone to help with the children, and most importantly to have someone on your side and watching your back. I will be praying for you and please give those beautiful children extra hugs and kisses.

What Crazykelly said. Eloquent. Honest. Lisa - she's nailed it. Not saying it's gonna be easy, but it will be worth it in the long run.

Lisa,
I know you probably don't know me because I am new. I have read your post and 6 pages of responses. There are5 pages I haven't read so I may be repeating someone but here is my advice: If he loves you and you are meant to be together, you should leave him. Cut off all contact. When he calls and begs and says how much he loves you... blah blah blah, tell him that you will not consider reconscilliation (sp?) until he does - (whatever you think he needs, rehab, anger management classes, whatever) and DON'T give in! If he does it, you may be able to go to marriage counciling and get help. If he doesn't, HE WASN't MEANT TO BE WITH YOU! From what everyone is saying, you are a lovable lady. you don't need a man at all but you surely deserve one that will complement you, not demolish you. Please consider this idea. There is really nothing to lose. You are letting yourself believe that there is. Please. I am praying profusely for you! Chin Up!

It pains me to read how low your self-esteem is right now, and how you've allowed your dh to beat you down. I'm so happy, however, that you've come to us so we can try to build you back up again! God created you for something special. I'm sure He doesn't like hearing how low you've been feeling either. Depend on Him, and He can be your strength. He wants to be your strength. He promises that you can do ALL things through Him, that strengthens you.

God also tells husbands to "love their wives as their own bodies; he who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church." (Eph 5:28,29) Your dh has hopelessly failed on this one, as well as a lot of other Biblical advice on how husband's should treat their wives.

Don't give your dh the power to tear you down. Claim God's promise to be your strength. Allow Him to speak to you and lead your life. God promises to meet all your needs according to His glorious riches through Christ Jesus. Let Him lead you. Let Him help you. Give Him your burdens, and He will carry them for you. If you teach your children anything, then teach them that God CAN be their all-in-all, if only they will let Him.

Sending big hugs and prayers your way!!!

Oh, how true is that! Well said.

I'm not sure what "FASFA" stands for, but I wanted to point out the you are probably a great candidate for a Pell Grant. Â*My dh's sister got one many years ago, and my dh even got a small one (I was very surprised about that -- I figured we'd be over whatever income amount they had).

I also agree with the college route. Â*There are a lot of good jobs you can get with an Associate's Degree.

It's actually FAFSA, and it's the form you fill out to determine how much financial aid you qualify for. It's the big thing now. Everyone does it when going to college (well unless you just don't even want to TRY for any money). It's quite detailed about income, normal household expenses (like mortgage payments) etc. Then it will spit out a thing that says "You should be able to pay $XX." Of course no one (including me when I've tried doing ones to estimate for when dd goes to college) ever agrees that they can afford that much. Then what ever is left over above what they think you can pay, you're eligible for assistance. You can do trial ones online where you stick in your info and they'll give you estimated figures. So Lisa...yeah, you should go online and at least see what you might qualify for.

Lisa, you've gotten some great advise here and I really don't think there is anything I can add to it. You are a strong woman!! You CAN do this! Your faith will lead you. You and your beautiful children are in my thoughts and prayers!! Cheer up girl!! We all love you!!!

I will just say that I have been praying for you and your situation for some time now. I agree with Calamari and Annieb


especially this. You don't have to leave him.. Kick him out! See how he likes not having you or the kids around.

I continue to pray for you all.