Hi, y'all.
Okay, I'm still reading all these replies, practically in disbelief...thank you all so much for caring, praying, and giving so much advice. I'll probably never be able to finish answering you all one by one now, but I did wanna update.
He called me Tuesday and started talking like normal, and I finally told him everything pretty much that y'all have told me to say (and his mother, who has gone through this crap w/ his dad for the past 27 years). At first he got really mad b/c I let him know that I told his parents what he did, and he said that he wanted a divorce, and he got real defensive. When he said that, I said, "Fine, b/c I can't live like this anymore. I have done nothing wrong. You have no right to talk to me and treat me the way you have been. I deserve to be treated so much better than this, and your children deserve to have their father at home, spending time w/ him. Not somebody who's gonna come home and play husband and father when he feels like it." (And this whole time I'm NOT, I repeat NOT crying...I was/ am TIRED of crying about this!) He was quiet as I went on about how I give and give, and all he does is take. I told him that none of this had to do w/ me and it was him and ONLY him that decided to cheat on me. He said, "But I don't know if I did or not..." and started to go that route, but I said, "The minute you put yourself in that position is the minute you cheated on me. Nobody but you poured liquor down your throat and nobody set out a pair of open legs in front of you and told you to go for it." I told him that if he likes that job so #### much to just stay there, and I'd go on w/ my life and take care of myself and the kids, and maybe someday he'd realize what he'd lost.
This is what he said...he said that he was quitting that job and coming home. I said, "Why?" He said that everything was his fault, and that I was right, and that if that job was gonna cost him his wife and family that he'd rather go back to doing maintenance. I told him to stay and think about it, and he said, "No, I'm leaving now. I need to be w/ y'all. And I'm sorry."
I told him if he was coming home, I wanted him to walk through the door a changed man. He needs to be more of a father and more of a husband, and he needs to SHOW me, not tell me, that I can trust him again and to SHOW me he appreciates me, and to SHOW me he loves me and to also tell me once-in-awhile, like before. I also told him that when he's off and we can, we should go to some sort of counseling. He said whatever it takes, that he didn't wanna lose us.
So, he quit and came home. There was tension, maybe coming from me, but he played with the kids and talked to me the whole time he was here. He layed and just held me and woke me up in the middle of the night just kissing me (which is something he does when he's "sorry" about something).
That was the night before last, and last night we stayed up, watched a movie, talked a LOT, joked and laughed...just like before he started that job. BUT, he realized (and I told him so) that he screwed up by quitting that job, b/c then we'd be w/o money at all. He went back, but not w/o making sure it was okay w/ me first and not w/o telling me why. He said he can't be w/o a paycheck for a month and a half, he has to take care of us somehow, and he will always come home when he's off...no more of this "I don't have gas money" crap. I said that was fine, that was what I wanted him to do in the first place.
Anyway, I know some of you...okay, MOST of you, think I'm stupid to give him another chance, but if Jesus can forgive the whole world, I can forgive my husband.
HowEVER...I will get that job, I will go back to school, I will figure out how to make it on my own, 'cause y'all are right. I shouldn't have to rely on him or anybody else to do things for me. And I wanna keep him wondering, all the time, if I'm still gonna be around. Because right now HE'S the one who's scared, and honestly, it feels GOOD.
One thing my MIL asked me was if we had more good memories together than bad ones, and there are more good ones. I'm not ready to give up on almost 10 years of marriage, and he said he's not either, that he wants to try and that he wants it to work and doesn't want to give up on us. I guess time will tell...
Anyway, it's late and I need to go to bed, but I wanted to thank y'all again. I will keep y'all updated as often as I can. Please, if you would, continue to pray for us. I finally have a peace about me that I didn't before. I'm done crying, for now, and the thing that makes me know this time my resolve is growing is that I was done crying before he came back. If y'all knew me even better than you already do, you'd know that's saying a lot.
Thank you all so much for your support and advice. I don't know what I'd do w/o you Ladies. God has blessed me with such wonderful friends. I love y'all...
~Lisa
