My heart is breaking. - Page 6

Lisa, I don't wantto repeat what everyone else said...but a few things do bear repeating....I'm glad you're back and thought to turn here...no matter how long it took for you to find your way back here...you did...and that's what matters. You have friends here and are always in our thoughts!

As for DH (And I do not mean dear right now)...He knows he has stregnth over you. He has proven it in the past....You need to prove him wrong! YOU need to find it in yourself. If not for you, then for your family, I don't buy into his I was so drunk, I don't remember, but I won't look you in the face routine. BULL. If a man won't look you in the face....he did something wrong and he knows it. Honestly, and it was mentioned before, I think he is trying to give you an out...He is not man enough to do it himself, that is why he started to tell you, but then stopped., he wants you to make a move, but he doesn't think you will. That is just my opinion, so take it for what it's worth....
Take care of yourself and those babies right now. You'll find your stregnth in there Lisa....we all know it!

I can only speculate about what's going on with him only from what you are telling us, but i have a hunch that something it's right if he would blurt that out to you. I mean, he could have easily just kept his mouth shut and nobody would ever know, by the way he has acted and treated you in the past i seriously doubt that guilt is making him confess now.
To me it almost seems like he is intentionally pushing you away for some reason?? He's been acting distant since before he left for training, right? It almost sounds like he has emotionally shut himself down from you and by telling you that he may have cheated,he is further pushing you away.Maybe he wants you to leave him? Maybe he's depressed and thinks you deserve better but cannot admit it,so he tells you he cheated, what better way to make you leave him, KWIM??
It just all sounds so familiar, my exboyfriend played so many mind-games like this with me. He told you not to worry about it,,,,yeah, he knows that you are going to worry about it,what woman wouldn't??? It's almost like he is trying to test you in some sick,emotionally twisted way???
I'm so sorry your going thru this, it's living ####,i remember it all so well with the ex.
My only advice to you is to start seriously thinking about your future, maybe attend some kind of schooling while living with your dad to help you find a good job so that if and when the time comes you can support yourself and those babies.My best friend's mom raised 4 girls alone and she taught every single one of those girls to never rely on a man, you gotta stand on your own two feet, because men will come and go.
Hang in there!!!

Lisa, I am so sorry to hear your bad news!! In the past, I have ssen your posts and thought of you to be a very loving, devoted mother and wife!! You have done nothing wrong by any means!! It sounds like he has taken you for granted and does not realize what a good woman he has!! I believe that God will give you the strength to do what is right for you nd your children. To step out of the box- if you get away from him and eventually find someone else who truly loves you and your children, then you will see what God has been saying about living a happy, full life- loving one another and being loved back. I will pray for you and your children.

formerly mm4

I was so sorry to read your post. I'm praying for your strength and hoping you'll be able to find some peace.

Remember, you've got lots of prayers coming your way!

Lisa, I am so sorry. You know you have true friends on this board and even knowing that it took alot of strength to post what is happening in your life. I've been in your situation and it is such a hard place to be. I left my 1st dh for all the reasons listed above. Why was he drinking with other women at his place in the 1st place. If he was really concerned about family he would be finding the gas gas money to come home. After all I'm sure the alcohol wasn't any cheaper than the gas will be. I'm praying for you girl. You are a beautiful and caring lady. You deserve so much more because you give so much more. Not only to your family but to everyone.

Oh Lisa Sweetie, you don't deserve this. You have been so supportive, patient, understanding and loving to your dh. How on earth did he think you would take news like that? ugh! I don't know that I have any advice that wouldn't be other than he deserves to have his ars kicked for doing something so stupid and mean.

I'm sending my prayers, big hugs and an offer to talk if you need to. Lisa, I'm so sorry, don't put one bit of blame on yourself for this and don't let dh turn this around.

Be strong.
Love & Hugs,
Kelly

I am so sorry to hear that,Lisa. I know you are hurt.
It happened to me..like what happened to you. About 5 years, I found dh was on line cheating, he wrote to this girl by emails( I found tons of emails from his work email, by accidently ...made curious b/c dh was traveling on the road he could not get into work email, so he called me to look for something..so I looked and that is when I found the emails)... I let it slip by over the years.. thinking it was nothing... not until last year...when it really got to me...I became distance, things around me was falling apart, meant I stop payings bills, bought things he needed,dissocialize among friends, he hated...I wanted to please him...hoping he would not leave me. I would cry everynight when he is a slept.. to seek comfort...not knowing what else he is hiding. Make a long story short.... we got into a huge fight...last year....where he called the cops on me b/c I was so stress out, financial matters were worse, our communication was aweful..we only yelled and fighting every little B.S. ..I could think of. It affected our kids...I found out my dd..told her teacher, we were divorcing. I guess I never resolved it...I was quiet type, who kept in ...over the years...angre built up since I found out about those emails. I never really confronted him about it. I let it slide...so 5 years later...like I said we were fighting...I started talk about the emails and told him why are u cheating on me? He said it was nothing...she is just a friend. Then he put the blame on me...for bills, my stupid friends that I talk to, he felt like he wasn't wanted by me..since my behavior was changing...and etc... He put the blame quickly back on me. I told him I only wanted to make you happy. I asked him why he did it? he doesn't know why. I got even madder...so I threw plates at him( almost hit him but missed) and broke the window and the plates...he called the police on me to settle me down but the state of ARIZONA DV(domestic violence) law took in which meant...I had to spend the night in jail and see the judge in the morning. They(the police) charge me on 3 counts; disorderly conduct, crimmal property damages, assult. I had to attend a pretrial...I..( I pleaded guilty..didn't want to go to trial )got disorderly conduct and pay a $1000.00 fine and to complete a DV class for 6 months...which I had to pay $500.00 for those classes...plus see a marriage counselor. I am still on probation...until myreview trial in Aug. I just recently completed my dv classes. I meet a lot of women in my dv classes and we can all relate our situations that got us into this mess.
I am not ashame of what I did...but it took so darn long to get help. So my angre is justification! lol
So..Lisa...please try to talk or seek counseling.

That is my crazy so called life. I have refound myself in attending those classes and marriage counseling. That is why I am going back to school, taking care of me and living for my kids. I told my dh...what I wanted in our life and we are better communicators now than ever and also helped our sex life too. My dh is a good father to our seven kids and now, since we seeked help...our life is much better then last 5 years.
Also, I am volunteer/mentor for women in the Arizona Fresh Start(DV) program.
You know I still keep in touch with new found friends in my DV classes. No matter your age, ethinic, financial matters in life...everyone needs help regardless.

I wish you the best, Lisa.

Feel free to send an email,ok.

Take cares,
dabie

Lisa, I'm so sorry that your going through all this stuff with your Dh. I don't understand how he can act like this towards you, you've always been the supportive, caring, loving wife and mother. Maybe seek marital counselling for both of you, or counseling for yourself to get through this ordeal. It's hard right now, I wish I could think of words of comfort to make it better for you(especially) and the kids. Try to see if you and Dh can sit down & discuss these things, that have happened. Sending you positive thoughts and prayers. (((Big Hugs)))

Wow...Lisa. My head is spinning reading this. First off, how the H-LL did he expect you to react to news like that? What kind of idiot admits to something like that anyway, especially if he isn't even sure? It's one thing to wake up drunk & not know what happened the night before. It could be nothing happened at all (since he was dressed). So why bring it up unless to cause you pain or allieve himself of guilt? On top of that, he has no business going out and getting drunk! Going out for a couple drinks is one thing, but he's not a frat boy - he's a married man and father of 3. He has no money for gas, but he as money for all this booze? Or are his "buddies" giving him a free ride on drinks?
You guys need to make a decision. Is he in this for the long-haul with you? Will he communicate & go to counseling with you? Does he value you and the kids enough to make that effort? I can't believe I'm even telling you this because I know how much you love him - a year ago I didn't think this conversation would be happening now. If he's not making the effort, if he won't work to save/keep his family, then you have to make decisions to be responsible for your kids. And you do need to talk to your Dad & let him know what is going on. You need someone nearby you can talk to & get support from. He loves you, Lisa.

So sorry this is going on. I was thinking about you yesterday & wondering how things were with you. My DH sends a hug too.

I don't know what to say except that I am praying that God will show you the next step to take that is best for you and your family and then give you the courage to take that step.

"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
Philippians 4:13

Stephanie