**Before I resume answering you all, I just wanted to let you all know that he didn't even call me today. I have been crying almost all day. I can't eat. I couldn't fall asleep until, like, 3 this a.m. Why do I love him so much and why can't he love me? What's wrong with ME?
Anyway, lemme finish. You all have been good enough to give me words of wisdom. The least I can do is acknowledge them.**
Julie--Sometimes hugs and prayers are better than anything in the world. Thank you.
Anne--Thank you for your prayers and thoughts. I think of you, too, and always listen to your advice in your pm's (eventhough I've sucked at answering them all...I'm sorry).
You're right, the severe drought in Texas may just come to an end soon, with you, me, and Aliadam all agreeing on the same thing at the same time! lol
My heart tells me to stay, my head tells me to go. I'm so confused. But you and Christy are right. I'd be saying the same things you all are telling me right now if the shoe was on the other foot. And I should quit thinking of myself so much and think of my children more. They're more important than any of this right now. I just hope I'm strong enough for them. If I can't be strong for them, then I don't know what kind of a mother I am. Not a very good one.
I have done everything myself, it seems. The longer we've been apart, the more I'm able to see that. I guess I was just oblivious to the fact until now. I have fooled myself into thinking we had a near-perfect marriage. Not so.
You're right, I'd be the only one at this point to do anything to try and save us. I can't believe I'm having to admit that, but it's true.
I'm sure God doesn't want me to be miserable, but I wish He'd give me a concrete answer besides "wait a little longer." I think, though, that through y'all He's slowly telling me in His own way that I need to get out and find out, and realize that I'm worth something more than what I've been made out to be by my DH, who thinks I'm worthless. I just don't feel like I have respect enough for myself to leave him...he makes me so weak.
I've told my dad a little, but nothing specific. If my DH is to come and see his kids, which I don't want to keep them from seeing him, he has to get along w/ my dad. So, in order to keep the peace, I must keep quiet. My dad cannot give rational advice in some situations, no matter how good a dad he is.
I will try to stay on the board as much as I can. Probably more at night, though. I'm so glad I have you all to talk to. Love you, Anne.
Artie--I think you're right about him already cheating. My guts tells me that there's more to the story than what he's telling me.
I probably do need to get out, but it will take time. Thank you for your prayers, and I'm glad you've joined us here on the board.
memz--Thank you for the hugs...right back at ya!
lexi'smom--Jen, thank you for the hugs, too. I can't get enough! lol Thank you for thinking and praying for me, sweetie. Good to see you!
morrismomaof2--Thank you so much for your prayers. God bless you!
granmaof3--Thank you so much for the hugs and prayers. I hope someday I can believe the beautiful part to the fullest.
starsmom--God bless you for your prayers and encouragement. I'm glad you've come to join us on the board.
2girlsmom--Thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers.
JoeNKatesMom--Thank you, too, for your prayers. I need all I can get.
anniebananie--I called and left you a message, Bananie. Check your machine.
I was shocked to think he wouldn't think I'd be absolutely crazy, myself. He does this, acts like it's no big deal, "wonders why and is surprised" I reacted this way, and then tells me he still loves me and wants to stay with me (only after I ask him). I'd like to hear what your holding your tongue about later.
I do talk to my dad about what I can, but like I said, in order to maintain peace I must keep quiet. For now, anyway. I WILL, however, tell his parents. Just wait...
I am slowly getting mad, but right now I'm just so hurt and mortified. All I do is cry and want him to LOVE me. Why can't he LOVE me like I love HIM?
You are a WONDERFUL bunch, and my dad is a wonderful dad. I am so very blessed to have you all. Love you.
WMiners--I would love to phone you sometime. And I hope things are better on your end of things. I never got all the details about what happened w/ you and your DH, but I have prayed for y'all. I hope you're okay. I love you, too.
crazylady--Thanks for being happy to see me back and for your prayers. I love y'all, too. God will see to it that I stay strong, I'm sure. It's just right now that I feel so weak. I'm just so tired.
bennis_mama--Your advice and opinion are good ones. Thank you for reiterating so many sound points. I only hope I make the right decision, whatever it ends up being. God bless you for the prayers. I'm glad you've joined the board.
angelkizz--Janie, I've been meaning to call/ e-mail you for the longest. I'm so sorry I've been so bad about that. I do want/ need to talk with you. All my addresses and #'s are mixed up right now, so I'll pm you. Thank you for your prayers. I love you.
**I will try to answer more tomorrow. I've gotta get some sleep. Thank you all. I am listening to everything y'all are saying, and I love all of you. Good night...**