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How to know when enough is enough-marriage - Page 3

post #21 of 29
10/14/08 at 8:36am
I want to send you positive thoughts and prayers for strength and will. This is a bad situation for you and your son...YOU BOTH DESERVE BETTER! It seems as though your husband is angry, and most likely frustrated for one reason or another. None of this is your fault. You can not change his response (being somewhere, doing something different). Your son deserves a person in his life who will love him and listen to him. You deserve someone to hug you and love you too. I think if you don't have that, you should decide it's time to move on and find that person. You are worth it. Your husband should find someone that makes him happy too. Both of you deserve happiness, maybe it is with someone else. Good luck in this journey. Don't worry about finances, things always work out...but psychological damage can be worse (and long lasting). Be strong....you will find peace. You may have a bumpy road, but always look at the long term goal....peace for you and your son. Move forward.
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post #22 of 29
10/14/08 at 1:12pm
I grew up with my dad being abusive towards my mom. He was physically and verbally abusive to her. He was verbally abusive to us kids. I tell you what, this stays with the children for a long time. I don't think the memory of the abuse goes away. I would recommend to get out now as well. I know we wished my mom had gotten out of the marriage many times before. She finally did this past year after over 30 years of marriage. She was financially dependent on him and I think was scared of losing custody of us to my dad since he was a powerful person in the community. Please, turn to someone for help in removing yourself from this horrible situation. You and your son deserve so much better than what you are receiving.
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post #23 of 29
10/18/08 at 6:05am
Just because he hasn't hit you doesn't mean he won't, and either way, it doesn't matter. He's done (and not done) enough. Everything you are saying shows me he's dangerous, and I do know what I'm talking about.

I agree about trying to keep the horse for your son, or sell it with a partnership agreement where your son can come see it. Or do this with an agreement as above, but make it not really a sale, or a sale of $1, so basically you are letting your son see him but you don't have to maintain the cost.

This is hurting your son in so many ways (again, I know firsthand) and you found yourself justifying things, which is showing how hurt you've been. Go back and read your first post and you'll see how sad this schmuck is. Unload the albatrass (spelling on purpose). Hug your son and let him know things will be better and he doesn't owe his dad ANYTHING and that he doesn't even have to see him again ever, alone.

Let mr. heman (not capitalized on purpose) see what a miserable wretch he is to live with. He deserves himself. Don't let him bully you another minute.
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post #24 of 29
10/20/08 at 12:22am
Yes, regarding health insurance for your son, you will just have to write it as part of the settlement. Depending on the state, how much money he makes (and you), and how long you have been married he could pay alimony. So you could possibly have that as well has child support. I will keep you, your son, and your husband in my prayers, sounds like you all need it.
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post #25 of 29
10/22/08 at 5:50am
Quote:
Originally Posted by Country~mouse View Post

It sounds like you need to get out now! I'm sorry he is being this way towards you and i think if you stay it will only get worse. It's not good for you or your son. I know you want a father figure for your son, but he's no father!


how can he be a father figure when he's not father material, you and your son would be much better off if he left.
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post #26 of 29
10/22/08 at 7:08am
Thread Starter 
Thank you all. I made some phone calls this last week and they have all offered a lot of information and advice. My sister and her husband have both called and told me the door is open and they will help in any way. DH is still not speaking to me unless I force him and now all of a sudden over the weekend my engagement ring has disappeared but clearly that is my fault for losing it. I just simply told him if he wanted it back that was fine he could keep it. Of course he says he does not have it. Funny it was clipped on my watch while I was showering and when I came out the watch was still fastened but the ring was gone and no where to be found.

I asked him to sit down and talk to me on Monday night about things going on and he agreed I think only because he was at work when I called him. However when he came home he stormed right past me and did not say a word. I went on to bed that night and he snuck into the room after I was asleep and started pocking me on the head to wake me up. At that moment no I did not feel like talking I was sleeping and it was late. I told him to go away that he had 4 hours at home to speak to me. He got mad and stormed out after a few choice words. But I had to get up for work and school the next day. Why wait so long to talk to me????

I was in tears yesterday again at the office. A mutual friend emailed me photos of DH on a friends tractor during a plow day. This was less than an hour after the earlier post of him throwing things at me. He did that and then was supposed to go to work. But no he went over there to have fun and visit with is friends instead of working or helping on the farm. I was left that day in tears and upset to do all the chores he expects to be done. Mowing, selling eggs, laundry, housework, cleaning the chicken coop, stacking the wood pile, putting limestone down, etc. He could have come home and lent a hand. But no he thought he needed a day with his friends after that. Ok fine. But I did ask him when the last time I got to go do something with my friends just for me and he response was "That is your fault". No it isnt I just see the chores have to be done and do them. Who else is going to do laundry?

Sorry I guess I just vented again -- sorry ladies. I am just so frustrated and upset.
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post #27 of 29
10/22/08 at 7:22am
It sounds like your mind is already made up and honestly it sounds like your marriage has been over for some time. I just wanted to post to wish you luck and strength to get through this tough time.
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post #28 of 29
10/22/08 at 8:06am
There has been a few other times he has grabbed him hard by the arm but I have always been there to stop him.


What happens one day when you are not there to stop him. I agree with what everyone else has posted...do what is best for you and your son and divorce him.
I wish you the best.
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post #29 of 29
10/26/08 at 3:34pm
I am so sorry you are going through all of this. I think he crossed the line totally. YOu have to be the strong one now and protect your son, I remember all too well getting in the middle of my mom and my step dads arguments and fights and its no fun for a kid at all! I am praying for you and knowyou will make the decision you need to make for you and your son, whatever that may be.
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