In my never-to-end battle of the bulge, I thought I’d
browse through some clothing catalogs.  I thought I
could inspire myself to stick to my diet with the
promise of new clothes when I reach my weight goal.

Well, who would have thought that a clothes catalog
would be my undoing?  Did you know you could buy
chocolate-colored slacks?  And skirts come in lemon
meringue, cranberry, cotton candy and mocha.

What brilliant marketing!  What terrible temptations
for those dieting who succumb to such impulses.
Before I knew it I was drooling over the key lime
Capri’s, the orange crème flip-flops and the licorice
belt.

Ah, but it doesn’t end there.  “They” are out to get
women dieters on all levels.  

Another diet strategy of mine is to use candles,
soaps, lotions and bubble baths in place of chocolate
and other calorie laden goodies when I need a little
pick-me-up or pampering.  Well, I just love the mango
butter body lotion and the vanilla milk bath that
leaves me smelling like a sugar cookie.  Yes, they
even have chocolate bars of soap.  And yes, in a
moment of weakness I actually licked the bar of soap.
It does NOT taste like chocolate.

Evidently, “they” (those conspirators that wish to
sell merchandise to moms) understand that we are
tightening our belts and fighting the urge to indulge
with edible goodies.  They know we are looking toward
other means of self-pampering…so they are assaulting
us with these delicious colors and smells that remind
us of the very treats we are trying to avoid on our
diets.

This is not fair!  I want to sue!  And it’s not just
the women who are dieting that are under attack—all
women are in the line of fire.  What with the monthly
cycle we go through we are sure to go on a major
spending spree at least once a month and the with this
food-oriented marketing we could easily commit
financial suicide.

Couldn’t we women level a class action lawsuit against
these people?  They are insidious; their strategy is
everywhere.  What next—postage stamps in five
delicious flavors?  Dog shampoo that smells like pound
cake?  

They might.  Haven’t you seen the car deodorizers?
There’s new car smell and money (for the men) and then
they have vanilla spice, lemon, strawberry and banana
(for women).  Do they think we want to drive around in
a smoothie?

So I went to the stationery store.  I thought I’d
draft a letter to the powers that be.  But what shade
of white letter tablet should I choose?  Taffy,
coconut, butter or whipped cream?

Geez, the stress was really getting to me.  So I
looked at candles.  Cinnamon or raspberry?  

By the time I made it home I was STARVING.