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Parent in
Training ©
Lisa Barker
I don’t care how many parenting books
there are out
there, when it comes to the real education in child
rearing, experience comes on-the-job. And, thanks
to
my three-year old son (yes, him again) I learned a
good lesson the other day.
As all kids do, he waited for the perfect time. At
five o’clock, in the very full waiting room of a
psychiatrist’s office, my son decided to scream
bloody
murder.
Dear son shrieked all the way up in the elevator.
He
stomped and spit and thrashed about as a sibling
dragged him into the waiting room. He spoke in
Latin
backwards. He melted chair cushions with laser
beams
that shot from his eyes. Little horns sprouted from
his head….
Did I mention this was in a mental health facility -
a
very calm, soothing, quiet setting?
I can only imagine what the other adults thought of
me. I thought I had moved up in the ranks of
motherhood and was now in the “I don’t care what you
think of my parenting” leagues until my three-year
old
jogged my memory. What was it I’d forgotten? Oh,
yeah. Just when you think you know what you’re
doing,
the kids up the ante.
What was I to do? I could just imagine.
I could shout out: Quick, call a priest! I think
he’s possessed! I could slip quietly away and
lock myself in the bathroom. I could lock my SON in
the bathroom instead. He loves to go fishing. I
could stuff his mouth with candy and promise him a
pony. I could let people in the waiting room take
turns spanking him. I could throw myself on
the floor and pitch my own fit.
Instead, in the middle of this madness, as patients
ran to the counter to demand to have their
prescriptions for Lithium tripled, I rose above the
dark clouds of anger, anxiety and deep embarrassment
and saw the situation for what it was. I wasn’t
doing
anything wrong. I was doing all the right things.
And the fact that my son was throwing a fit was not
evidence that I was a bad parent. He was simply
being
a cranky three-year old.
So, I perched him on my left leg and wrapped my
right
leg around him - an enforced time out. I spoke
softly
to him and held him in a hug doing my best to calm
him
while he shrieked and screamed.
And, then I realized that it’s only taken me five
kids
and twelve years of parenting to learn that with a
little patience and perseverance…a parent can use a
child’s livid temper tantrum to get into an
appointment far earlier than scheduled.
About the Author: LISA
BARKER of Greenfield is a syndicated humor
columnist and mom of five. Her “Jelly Mom”
column appears Monday in Living. Barker’s
latest book is
“Just Because Your Kids Drive You Insane ...
Doesn't
Mean You Are A Bad Parent!” See
www.JellyMom.com for
more information.
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