There is no question about it, moving
from two incomes to one will have a dramatic impact on
our lives. To succeed we must do more than simply
cut corners, we must embrace the six virtues of
successful stay-at-home parents:
Virtue 1: Sacrifice –
Shifting to one income requires
sacrifice. It is this same sacrifice that causes
stay-at-home parents to recoil when they are told that
they are ‘fortunate’, ‘blessed’, or ‘lucky’ to be home.
While they may be blessed indeed, most families make
major sacrifices in order to be so.
Virtue 2: Humility -
I was in line at Goodwill once when the
phone belonging to the lady in front of me began
to ring. She picked it up and said, “Oh Hi! Well, I’ll
be there in about 15 minutes. I’m at the mall.” I
thought of yelling, “Don’t believe her! She’s in line
with us losers at Goodwill!” I find no shame in
shopping at Goodwill. In fact, had I taken the call, it
probably would have sounded like this: “Girlfriend,
guess where I am? I’m at Goodwill, and you would not
believe the deals today!”
Virtue 3: Simplicity -
A life of simplicity is in many ways a
spiritual quest, one that requires that we separate
ourselves from a world obsessed with having the newest,
biggest, and best. The goal of simplicity is to find
peace in a walk that is often far different from the
others walking around you. While your working friends
and neighbors may be buying bigger homes, dressing their
children in brand-named clothes, and enjoying fabulous
vacations, you on the other hand may be downsizing your
home, dressing your children in hand-me-downs, and
selling family heirlooms to pay the phone bill. To find
peace in this means that we are not envious, angry,
or bitter about the absence of things that we’ve chosen
to live without.
Virtue 4: Humor -
I have to admit that it took us a while before we could
see the humor in a used Plymouth minivan we purchased a
few years back. Within a short period of time,
everything that could possibly break on that death trap
did. From the air conditioner to the transmission, from
the power windows to the suspension, one-by-one, front
to back, things just fell apart.
Our ongoing problems with the van went from distressing
to absurd when the passenger door spontaneously rusted
itself from the hinge followed by total failure of all
the dashboard instruments. We improvised to get by.
The passenger door was held shut by duct tape and a rope
tied to the inside handle. Vehicle speed was estimated
by the sound of the wind blowing past our window.
Finally, the transmission failed, putting an end to the
year-long
battle. We certainly haven’t always appreciated the
humor at the time, but our low-income adventures
eventually
provide chuckles down the road.
Virtue 5: Gratitude -
When we are always in a state of want, we
fail to appreciate what it is we already have. Instead
of comparing yourself to those who have more, try to
compare yourself to those who have less, and be grateful
for the blessings that you do have.
Virtue 6: Reject Materialism — One of the more
difficult challenges to our resolve comes from envy. As
we watch our neighbors and friends enjoying the finer
things in life, it is easy to assume that they must be
happier than us. But the research on the subject
conflicts with this premise. Dr. Ed Diener has studied
subjective well-being (SWB) and wealth. He concludes:
It appears that a higher income might help if we are
very poor. Gaining more income if we are middle-class or
upper-class and are living in a wealthy nation is
unlikely to substantially bolster our SWB on a long-term
basis.
(Will Money Increase Subjective Well-Being?, Diener and
Biswas-Diener, 2001)
Now what if your basic needs are being met, yet you find
yourself experiencing a great deal of monetary
discontent?
Materialism may be your problem as Dr. Tim Kasser’s
research explains: When people believe materialistic
values are important, they report less happiness and
more distress, have poorer interpersonal relationships,
contribute less to
the community, and engage in more ecologically damaging
behaviors. (www.knox.edu/tkasser.xml, 2005)
Remember: It is often not the loss of income that is
the greatest challenge for the new stay-at-home parent,
but
rather the inability to break out of the materialist
hold money has on all of us.
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